:: A Catechumen's Walk ::

:: Monday, October 01, 2007 ::

Probably not around much anymore…

I’m not here much anymore. Or rather, I don’t have time to be here much anymore. I barely have time to check my email, much less blog or surf the web!

This summer, I was in South Africa, and didn’t get much of a chance to blog; when I got back from South Africa, I spent the rest of the summer living at a woman’s monastery called St Barbara, which gave me even less of a chance to blog. I miss the monastery a lot.

Now that I am back at school (St Vladimir’s), I still have no time to blog!

I have also come to the conclusion that politics are evil, and to vent my political views and scrapes for all to see can have negative repercussions. In other words, I am too close to what is going on and don’t want to see scandalous by what I say about it.

I may pop my head up from my work once in a while to see how the blog world is progressing: I may even post here. But for the most part, I just don’t have time: I am far too busy trying to graduate and figure out what I am doing with my life.

So, keep me in your prayers, forgive me if I have offended you, and thank you.

In XC,

Seraphima

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 8:22 AM on Monday, October 01, 2007 [+] ::

Justified Hatred?

The other day, Fr. Joseph over at Orthodixie posted a link to a page of hatred. . The contents of the page, inaccurate and ridiculous as they are, still raise the question: Can we justify hatred?

Let’s say that I love God more then anything else in the world. I also love man, and hence I want him to be saved. Due to this love of the Good, I hate evil. But in my mistaken belief, I believe that God is a butterfly. In honest zeal and true love for God and man, I advertise my beliefs. I promote them using all means available to me. In fact, I also promote the hatred of what I see as evil, since this hatred musts needs exist beside such strong love: no one would doubt that the saints hated evil. Mistaken as my belief may be, my hatred seems justified.

So, shouldn’t we all go putting up hate-sites? Perhaps because we do not fully understand the idea of the evil we are to hate. Evil is that which goes against God. All debates on its positive or parasitic existence aside, there is undeniably something fighting me when I try to do good: this is evil. The saints have the idea that the evil we see in the world is there because of me. Not because of Hitler, or Stalin, or you, but because of my sin. But no matter where this evil arises, it seems like it fights against salvation. And so, out of love for our fellow man, we should stop things that fight against salvation.

Which brings me back to the beginning. Why isn’t hatred justified? One could say that in this case, there is a lot of ignorance at work. Perhaps this is true, but I could say that I hate torturing innocent children, as ignorant as I am about the issue. The author clearly has misdirected zeal, but would this zeal be any better if it were a hate page about another group of people?

My gut tells me that hatred like that, so publicly expressed, is unjustifiable. But my mind can’t give me a good reason why my gut should so dislike it. Any suggestions?

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 12:06 PM on Sunday, May 20, 2007 [+] ::

Research Interests: Choice or Responsibility?

As I am in the process of looking at and choosing PhD programs to which I will apply, I was instructed that I should state my “research interests” in any letter I send. Academically, I am interested in patristics, specifically Greek Patristics, and monasticism, usually in its early forms (Palestinian and Egyptian). These are the subjects of which I keep abreast in the field, which I feel comfortable writing about, and about which I can enter into a semi-intelligent discussion. But these subjects are not theology in the pure sense.

Theology, if it is to have real impact on the world for Jesus Christ, is a culturally relevant phrasing of an unchanging dogmatic truth. While I like to think of myself as a theologian, I do very little theology in this sense. Really, there are few hot debates on Palestinian monasticism as compared to its contemporary Egyptian monasticism.

Then there is a subject that I do not consider among my “research interests,” yet it comes up repeatedly in my academic and personal life. I will speak about it this summer in Africa. In its various forms, it is a near-weekly question I am asked when I am at my home parish, especially now that I am a “seminarian.” It is a hot topic at all Inter-Seminary Dialogues. It is a can of worms! In other words, “What is the place of women in the Orthodox Church today?”

Anyone who knows me knows that I am passionate and strongly opinionated about it. Yet I feel as if the topic in general theology is too big, too much of a dead horse, and the passions it arouses on both sides lead to little constructive debate. And yet, it seems that every time I look up, someone else is asking me to speak/write/opine on women in the Church. I realize the uniqueness of my position as “a woman at seminary,” and the more I read academic articles, the more I realize I stand quite against the academic majority (yet, I believe in solidarity with the majority of the “people in the pews”).

So, I have my research interests, which truly interest me, boring as they may sound. And I have this, which mostly stirs my passions and excites me to debate, but also gives me a venue to be heard as a student-theologian to non-Orthodox (often non-Christians), such as at the Inter-Seminary Dialogues. My temporary solution is to gather about 30 articles written in the last 10 years on the subject, as well as the major books in the field, and educate myself on it as best I can this summer. Maybe then I can decide if it is truly a research interest, or just a personal one.

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 7:17 AM on Sunday, May 13, 2007 [+] ::

To Receive or Not to Receive

I have been sick and out of it this week, and I have not properly prepared to approach the chalice. I have not kept my prayer rule, done the preparatory canon, kept the Wednesday or Friday fasts, or been to church much this week.

I know that these are not a legalistic requirement for approaching the chalice, but they are the only things I can offer to Christ to show my love to him. They are the requirements laid down by the Church, and having failed to meet them, I know I have not put forth my own best effort, and I should not approach this week.

Yet I know that, for whatever reason I have not met them (sickness & laziness), the Eucharist --- if it is not fire that burns the lazy and unprepared --- is divine medicine for the health of my soul and body, which I very much need right now.

I want to approach. And I know I should not. Then again, I do not know if I can make it through the whole Liturgy today (I’m still pretty sick), so it may not matter at all. Hopefully, I will be able to find my confessor in the chapel and ask him before the service starts. But if I can’t…I am not sure if I will approach or not.

Please pray that I get healthy soon…!

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 7:09 AM on Sunday, May 06, 2007 [+] ::

One Step At A Time…

I plan to go to South Africa this summer!

Of course, I am not sure how/if this will actually happen, and while the last 10 days of my life have been the most stress-filled and sleepless weeks I can remember, I know that it will all work out in the end.

Pretty stressed the other week, I wrote to my priest and told him that while I had been accepted to South Africa, I just found out that I did not get the grant from OCMC, and so I didn’t think I would be going. The idea of raising support was not so much daunting, but it required a stronger dose of humility then I could muster. I didn’t want to seem like some lazy mooch who asks money off of hard working people so I could go to another country. It just doesn’t seem right.

In slightly mitigated words, I wrote this to my priest back home. Here’s where the big difference between a good priest and a proud seminarian comes in: I wanted to stress and worry about it; he wisely told me “pray, fast, and seek God’s will.” Oh, yeah --- embarrassingly enough, the thought hadn’t even occurred to me. One of the things he recommended I pray was the akathist to St. Innocent. Now, if you have ever prayed the Akathist to St. Innocent, you know that it chronicles this great saint’s missionary endeavors among the Alaskan peoples. Try praying that and then deciding not to go on a missions trip --- especially if the thing stopping you is pride in asking for support!

So, I am going to South Africa. I have spent the last week doing no homework, but organizing myself, writing and sending letters (which takes more time then I would have thought!), and in all other ways trying to raise support to go to South Africa. I called my parents and told them: I don’t think they’re too supportive, especially of me writing letters of support, and my mom told me that it is a rather foolish leap of faith.

Well, perhaps it is foolish, but I am in too deep now to stop. Pray for me, please. I’m willing to do this, and I’ve worked pretty hard to get thus far, but it is not by my efforts or desire that it will all work out. It is by your prayers, and especially the prayers of St. Innocent, that I will go this summer. May he also pray for me!

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 1:30 PM on Saturday, April 28, 2007 [+] ::

So Much At Once

A few months ago, I applied for a grant to go to South Africa with OCMC. I found out last night that, while I got into the program, I got absolutely no grant money. That leaves me with less then 8 weeks to raise $4,500 from a church 3,000 miles away. I’m pretty sure at this point that I will just drop out of the program; I said I would do it, and I sent in a down-payment, but it seems better to cut my losses.

Of course, the main problem is now I have no idea what I will do this summer. Mostly, I want to be in California and at my home church rather then way out here in New York. I would like to do a CPE unit, but it is too late to apply to most programs, and I live near none of them.

On the brighter side, I find myself strangely accepting of the idea that I won’t go to South Africa, much as I had earlier found myself strangely accepting the idea that I would go to South Africa. This does not mitigate the great disappointment, but rather I am surprised at my own attitude: it is outside of my hands, and I am alright with that. Glory to God for all things, really. There is nothing I can do either way.

I may still try and do it, scrambling to raise funds by writing letters asking for donations, but I do not think I have the time before the money is due.

So, if you remember, pray for me. Not so much that I get to go to South Africa, but that I am able to do something productive and good this summer, be it in the States or abroad. Glory to God for all things!

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 6:22 PM on Tuesday, April 17, 2007 [+] ::

One Year Ago Today…

One year ago today, I made a decision from which I will not turn back. I renounced Satan, and bowed myself before Christ, my king. I declared war on the enemy of my salvation, proclaiming that I would do all in my power to unite myself to Christ and crush Satan under my feet. I left all I had known in this world, declaring myself dead to its carnal lusts and pleasure, declaring myself dead even to death itself. I died. I was raised again, born anew, with a new name, a new life, and a new calling. Like Lazarus coming forth from the tomb, I obeyed the voice of my Lord.

Then, having turned from my old life, I was enlightened and initiated into to the life of the Spirit. I was made like The Anointed One, Christ himself. Pentecost occurred, and the Spirit came to dwell within me, burning up my sinful passions with his refining fire. I was prepared for the fight, given strength not my own, and confirmed on the path which I had been called to undertake.

Having experienced my own joyous rebirth, I joined my family for a meal that I had only heard about second-hand. Christ himself spread the table, Christ himself offered me not just bread and wine, but his own body and blood. I was now part of his body, receiving from him the fullness of his body. This was the tree of life, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil; this will make me like God, and I will live forever. This blood and water, this life-giving fountain, this foretaste of the kingdom to come became mine, for the first time.

Glory to God who has brought all things to pass!

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 11:32 AM on Saturday, March 31, 2007 [+] ::

This is Holy

Here at St. Vladimir’s, my “community service” (obedience) is as breakfast cook. Last week, I mistakenly added twice as much flour to some muffins. Looking at the too-solid mess in the mixing bowl, I turned to throw it out just as my friend walked in: “No, wait, that’s holy. You can’t throw it out!”

It’s gooey muffin batter. Holy is, well, the blessed bread, or the Eucharist, or holy water, right? No, Fr. Alexander Schememman answers emphatically in For the Life of the World, which I recently read. The Eucharist is not somehow holy because it is ‘different’ from everything around it. It is holy because everything is holy, but it is in the Eucharist that the holiness of all things is realized. The incarnation, the goodness of creation and matter, that makes something holy. The mysteries are not in and of themselves holy: life is holy and the mysteries are simply the holiness of life realized in its perfect form: as a priestly offering back to God.

So, rather then focusing on the holiness of this or that thing qua thing, we should strive to offer all of our lives back to God, remembering that all things are really his. We are the priests of creation, summing up the sensible and intelligible worlds within ourselves.

It is only in this commemoration of all things back to God that we can realize the beauty of the Eucharistic sacrifice. Here, of course, “sacrifice” does not mean exclusively the Cross, but rather the offering of everyday stuff (bread, wine, wheat, oil, water) back to God, and therefore using them in the way they were meant to be used. Only when we see this offering not as confined to this specific piece of bread and this specific cup of wine can we realize how holy this bread and this wine really is. It is only then that we can see our whole lives offered up on the altar and given back to us as Christ. Therefore, let us live this life, this holy and sanctified life, where the water I drink, the paper I write on, the muffins I bake, are all holy things because they have been offered in the Eucharist. Let us commend ourselves and each other, and all of our life to Christ our God, and he will return it to us as Himself.

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 6:32 PM on Sunday, March 25, 2007 [+] ::

Saint’s Names

Over on Fr. Joseph’s Orthodixie, there is a link to an excellent photographic slideshow of women with ikons of their patron saints. One thing I noticed about this display, however: all of the women pictured had female patron saints, and in fact the author of the show states that “Modern Orthodox women, therefore, have an automatic and deep connection to the women of the past.”

But what if I don’t have a woman as a patron saint? I am named after St. Seraphim of Sarov, whom I deeply venerate, love, and pray to every day. I know, however, that some of my Greek friends were shocked when they learned that I had “chosen” a male saint as a patron; I have a nice ikon of St. Seraphima, an early martyr, given to me by a Greek woman who assumed I could not be named after a male saint. A year or so ago, I was at the baptism of a little baby, Garet, who was named after St. Margaret of England; clearly, in some places, men can have female patrons also.

For anyone who comments, how common is it in your communities for someone to be named after a saint of the opposite gender? Should we discourage it? Is there a difference with women named after men versus men named after women (especially since we know about more male saints then female ones)? How many of you are named after saints of the opposite gender? Just wondering…

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 3:44 PM on Saturday, March 17, 2007 [+] ::

A Day of Sorrow and Joy

Give us this day our daily bread…This day has been one of joy and sorrow, containing more than any day should.

Last night, as I rushed off to compline, I was met in the hall by a tear-stained face. She told me that one of the young men, a friend of hers, who graduated from St. Vladimir’s last year had just taken his own life. Fr. John announced it at compline to the whole community, most of whom I assume knew since they were all gathered there. The community is in shock right now. Life is so fragile. And in our speedy and rushed life, we so easily forget each other…please pray for us.

On the flip-side of the coin, there was great joy today. Approximately 25 seminarians got up for the 7AM ordination of one of our third-year students. “Phil” became the Rev. Dn. Philip. It was a 5+ hour service (as Indian services tend to be!) with two bishops; the metropolitan, and his assistant. There was great joy and festivity, food and felicitations. Of course, it was exhausting, being up early, standing, standing, standing and being in service so long. But axios and many years to the newly ordained deacon!

And the day ended, as do all Wednesdays, with the Liturgy. Even though I wasn’t fully prepared to receive, due to eating at the ordination, I got a blessing from Father to do so. I am glad I did; the Eucharist is life-giving, and I need that right now. I am so drained. I barely have the energy to type this: I don’t have the energy to go to compline, and yet I will stay up and go. The community needs prayer right now. Please, pray for us.

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 6:34 PM on Wednesday, March 14, 2007 [+] ::

Changes in format
A pox on Google for making me change blog formats yesterday…! But I believe everything (including archives) should be back up and working…sorry for the down-time.

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 12:59 PM on Tuesday, March 13, 2007 [+] ::

To Save Sinners…Of Who I am Chief?

The other afternoon, a friend and I were discussing St. Paul’s words to Timothy, “that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief.” (I Tim 1.15). He claims that those who will be saved in the end truly believe this about themselves. I am not so sure.

I came up with a litmus test for this. Ask people, “Are you a better person then most of the other people in the world?” If I were honest, I would say, “Yes! Of course!” But let’s say I knew I was supposed to be humble, and answered “No.” Then the next question is, “Do other people think that you are better then most other people in the world?” This question avoids the false humility that might tempt us in the first: “Of course they do!”

Must we honestly answer “no” to this question? Just to clear up any doubt, I would say that it is salvific to answer “No;” it is true humility, and Christ-like. But what about the rest of us? I daily struggle to work out my salvation, and yet not now nor in the foreseeable future do I see myself as humble enough to claim that I am the chief of sinners. Does that mean I am proud? Yes. Does that mean I should be damned? Yes, certainly.

But perhaps this sin, this pride, is for my salvation. I cannot defeat it, and since I know that pride damns men, I must beg God for mercy. Of course, I must continue to struggle against my pride: that is the working out of my salvation. But to defeat it is the culmination of my salvation, and I do not believe that will come in this life. For, if I defeat my sins, then I have indeed saved myself, and should be proud.

So, yes, I lie immediately before approaching the fire of the chalice by saying, “…who came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief.” And I know that the pride that produced this lie is damning. And so all the more I can say, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner!”

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 12:22 PM on Monday, March 12, 2007 [+] ::

Getting Better?

I am growing in my spiritual life. If nothing else, I know this because I desire this growth, and work to cultivate it in my current situation; here, this means going to church daily and studying hard. But at the same time, I seem not to be getting better. I always thought that sins would become somehow more subtle, ‘fancier,’ or at least more interesting as I went on. Suffice to say, they are none of the above.

It was like choir practice the other day. I could not get the last interval of a piece. It was a major third down. After missing it twice, Dn. K. told me it was a major third down. I knew it was a major third down. I can sing a major third down. But I could not get it! I knew what it was, what it sounded like, and was in acquainted both with what I wanted it to sound like and what I did not want it to sound like. It didn’t help.

My list of sins (pretty much the same each week, with minor variations) is basic. They are not ‘difficult’ sins or sins that I do not recognize as such. They are pretty much summed up in the Ten Commandments --- only a few thousand years old. I know what I want to do, and I know what it looks like. But I cannot do it!

I wish they were somehow more interesting. Or that I could honestly go to confession and say, “Yeah, Father, I really didn’t know that was a sin!” But I can’t. I feel so idiotic each week saying that I did the same things. I really do repent! I really do want to stop sinning! But I do not know how. I would eat meat everyday of the Fast if it meant I could destroy these evil sins. But rather then becoming weaker during the Fast, I find my sins become stronger, more pronounced. I notice them more, and they repulse me more. But, I still do them…Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner!

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 11:34 AM on Monday, March 05, 2007 [+] ::

I Don’t Go To Church, But I’m Very Religious!

You all know people like this…the following is an excerpt from Fr. Alexander Schmemann’s book “The Eucharist” p. 144, 146 in the 2003 St. Vladimir’s Press Edition.

“Meanwhile, ‘religoius feeling,’ which ino our day again dominates in religion, is so distinct from faith because it lives and is nourished by itself, i.e., through the gratification that it gives and which, in the final analysis, is subordinated to personal tastes and emotional experiences, subjective and individual ‘spiritual needs.’

Faith, to the degree that it is indeed faith, cannot but be an inner struggle: ‘I believe; help my unbelief…’ (Mk 9:24). Religious feeling, on the contrary, ‘satisfies’ precisely because it is passive, and if it is oriented toward anything, it is primarily toward help and consolation amidst life’s adversities. Although its subject is always the person, faith is never individualistic, for it is directed to that which is revealed to it as absolute truth, which by its very nature is incapable of being ‘individual.’ Faith therefore invariably requires confession, expression, attraction and conversion of others to itself. Religious feeling, on the contrary, being utterly individualistic, feels itself to be inexpressible and shies away from any attempt at expression and comprehension, as if it were an unnecessary and unhealthy ‘rationalizing,’ which would put ‘simple faith’ at risk of destruction…

…But ‘religious feeling’ does not know this tranformation [from the world to the radical newness of faith] above all precisely because it does not want to. It does not know and does not want to know because in its very essence it is agnostic. Not oriented toward the truth, it is nourished and lives not by faith, as knowledge and possession of the truth, as the life of life, but by itself, by its own self-delight and self-sufficiency. The best witness to this is the startling indifference to the content of faith, the complete lack of interest in what faith believes…all this holds no interest for the contemporary ‘religious man.’ And this is not the result of a sinful laziness or weakness. The content of faith, the truth to which it is directed, holds no interest for him because it is not necessary for his ‘reigliousity,’ for that religious feeling that gradually substituted itself for faith and dissolved faith in itself.”

Yeah, go be ‘religious’ or ‘spiritual’ or whatever you’re calling it today…

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 11:37 AM on Sunday, February 25, 2007 [+] ::

Scholarship & Goals

I have the next few weeks to decide what the topic for my Master’s thesis will be. Originally, I had planned to answer the question, “What are the sources of tension between the monastery and the parish?” I had hoped to explore the different interpretations of the evangelical calling, comparing “Go ye therefore…” and the parish with “Be ye holy…” and the monastery. There are historical reasons (Constantine and early monasticism, monastic reforms, &c), liturgical reasons (tonsure versus ordination), and an interesting set of people with one foot in each camp, such as celibate priests, monastic bishops, and hieromonks. So, that was my original idea.

Then, I met with the professor who will be my advisor, Fr. J. He is quite an academic and an excellent theologian in the English-speaking Orthodox world today. He mentioned the areas where he was doing study, and asked if I wanted to take a related topic, just so he would be really current on what I was studying and I could benefit the most from our meetings. Well, no, I want to study what I want to study: monastery/parish tensions. But, at the same time, this is really a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to study theology under an eminent theologian. If nothing else, I could simply learn to “do” theology the way he does it. As I hope to do future work in theology in a non-Orthodox setting, it could only be beneficial to study under someone who can help to solidify the finer points of Orthodox theologia and give me a good basis on which to build other work.

So, here’s the quandary. Do I do the topic that I really want to do, or do I take the opportunity and sit at the feet of a master to learn theology his way? I have a few weeks to decide…

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 6:33 PM on Monday, February 12, 2007 [+] ::

A Letter of Encouragement

Last night, after finally getting around to doing it, I sent a letter to the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of New York in which I commended one of their priests.

A few weeks ago while flying into New York, I noticed a man with a Roman collar board the plane and sit a row ahead of me. Three rows ahead of him was a young man in his mid-20s. The young man stared at the priest, then pulled one of the flight attendants aside, and started whispering quickly to him. The flight attendant walked over to the priest, and very awkwardly said, "Sir, that young man over there was wondering if he could talk with you." The priest smiled, stood up, walked over to the young man, and most of the rest of the flight in what looked like deep conversation.

When I speak to priests, and I frequently do, I kiss their right hand and call them "Father." On that plane, I was reminded that "Father" is not a formal title, and the priesthood is not a "job." I saw a man --- a priest of God --- just as travel weary as the rest of us, allow himself to be poured out as a drink offering for the sake of the salvation of complete stranger. Although I will not meet him nor know him, he deserves this: "Thank you, Father."

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 1:59 PM on Monday, February 05, 2007 [+] ::

School

Term has started again, bringing with it all the daily craziness.

A regular reader recently asked me why I never post about school (specifically). I assure you, it is not because there is not enough food for thought thrown around this particular ivory tower! Rather, I do not want to post negative, or even questionable/gossip-like information about anyone or anything. I’m a student, right? And when all is said and done, I think most students love their alma maters, although they all have their ups and downs while in them. I do not want my own words to come back and bite me later, so I am not too keen to post on the goings-on around here at St. Vladimirs.

So, that’s why I don’t post a lot about school. And school is why I don’t post a lot in general…

But anyway, back to Hebrew…then Greek…then Canon Law…then…then…

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 1:57 PM on Monday, January 29, 2007 [+] ::

Why Missions?
An essay written for an application…

“Go ye therefore…” There aren’t two ways about it. Missions are one of the most basic features of the Church, the importance of which springs both from the divine command and from the catholic nature of the Church.
The heart of the Gospel is a call to missions. God himself had one Son, and he was a missionary, coming from heaven to a cave to bring salvation. To receive him is to catch a spark of this divine and condescending love, which inflames within our hearts a similar love: it is this love which inspires us to run to those that sit in darkness, to proclaim release to the captives, and to give sight to the blind. The Gospel is this condescending love, this compassion for those who are like sheep without a shepherd; it is not a weapon whereby we can stand in judgment of them, but rather a light yoke by which we can share in their sufferings and thereby find both our salvation and theirs. The very nature of the Gospel is the desire to reach all men with salvation. Missions is the heart of the Gospel and the heart of the Church.
Should missions then be all about preaching the Gospel to men? Yes, but perhaps we need not use words, nor need we preach only to those who have never heard. Missions not only to spread Christianity, but also strengthen and to show the solidarity of the catholic Church with a struggling local community. This solidarity can reach even beyond the bounds of ‘religion;’ it is the restoration of human dignity to those who have forgotten their own humanity; it is the distribution of medicines and aid to those who suffer most grievous diseases; it is the encouragement of children in a society where negative influences abound. It is recognizing of the ikon of God in our neighbors, and showing solidarity with them as fellow human beings. By feeding, clothing, and visiting those in God’s image, not only do we save ourselves, but we are the hands and feet of Christ to a world that desperately needs him. Missions are about helping humanity, about saving souls.
So, I want to go. As a student-theologian interested in a teaching career in academia, I am considering my own position in the world of foreign missions. I would not only use this experience to determine if I were able to do overseas missions work, but also as a basis for further theological academic reflection. If I realize my goal as a theology professor, I see myself in a unique position: teaching students who live “in their heads” to realize their hearts. Having the experience of an overseas missions trip would give me the ability to convey from experience the need for overseas missions to a group that otherwise might not realize their significance. Not only do I see this trip as a way to aid my own decision into missions, but also to give me the experience to speak first-hand about mission trips to academicians.

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 4:34 PM on Wednesday, January 17, 2007 [+] ::

Throwing Water in Church

After an all-night vigil on Friday “night” (until 1:15AM on Saturday morning!) for Theophany, we did the Great Blessing of the Waters on Sunday morning after Liturgy. In other words, we threw water all over the church.

I must say that I was not the only one laughing with child-like glee as our somber-looking Russian priests proceeded to douse us quite well with copious amounts of newly-blessed water. Anyone who has ever watched children splash in puddles or run sprite-like in falling rain can testify that there is something fresh and rejuvenating in the sprinkling of water: indeed, it is appropriate that we as Christians are reborn in the water of baptism. Life, childhood, and joyful giggles seemed appropriate from even the most aged during Sunday’s merry ceremony of blessing.

There is something that feels so right about the blessing of water. Faith has a tendency to become esoteric and detached, but to bless something as basic as water re-grounds the reality of faith as an everyday event. That which is the most fundamental element of life has reached its fulfillment and realized its purpose in the blessing it has received from God. To “plain” water is added the fire of the godhead of Christ: our own chrismation grants us the fire of the Spirit after our baptism. Invisibly, mysteriously, yet powerfully, elemental nature itself is changed by Christ’s baptism. And we get to drink it, be splashed by it, rejoice in it, like children, free and unhindered. God has again condescended to sanctify our lives: in its small way, this is our salvation.

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 7:26 PM on Monday, January 08, 2007 [+] ::

For those of you living in Sonoma County and following the local news, this was a response to the full-page ad in today's paper in which the pastor of the largest local Episcopal Church condemns another local church, St. John's, for breaking communion over issues of homosexuality. The majority of the letter is about the need to accept homosexuals in the Episcopal Church today. A shortened, 200 word version of this was sent to the local paper for publishing...let's see if they do it!

Dear Reverend,

In many ways, I agree strongly with your letter. Love and compassion are the distinguishing marks of a Christian. It is precisely this love and compassion that drives a man --- nay, God himself ---to lay aside his dignity and take the form of a bondservant, condescending to be born in a cave, as we have celebrated this Christmas season. God does not respect our sins --- nor must we respect the sins of others --- and yet in his great love for mankind, he gives us the freedom to choose to spit in his face and crucify him. This freedom is not divine respect and tolerance for sin, but rather respect for the image of God within us giving us such god-like freedom. Sin is a horrible disease running rampant throughout humanity. Aside from doubting that this disease of sin has left anyone a “good” person, I cannot agree with you more when you say that we must not “meekly stand by while yet another movement of intolerance seeks to deprive good people of their common humanity.” Our very humanity, the image of God within us, is being mauled and misshapen by this horrible “movement” of sin. Yet instead of embracing this tendency toward perversion which we find welling up within us, we are called to repent and learn to loath our own filth and wretchedness, allowing this knowledge to draw us ever closer to the feet of Christ: again, you are absolutely right here in saying that there is “no essential difference between gay and straight,” male and female, slave or free. We are all hopelessly and equally entangled in the nets of our own making, sinking in the mire of sin. And yet slowly, this Love and Compassion, this Person who is the Way and Truth, draws us out and refashions us back into his image, taking away our perversion and propensity to turn back toward the dirt of our former ways. As we draw near to him, he draws near to us: this is our salvation. And it is specifically this salvation that enflames within our hearts a burning desire that all men be saved: and for this reason, we weep with Love and Compassion when they see men still wallowing in the mire of their wretchedness. I cannot help but tell my friends, lovingly, compassionately, out of a pure desire for their salvation, that they are drowning, sinking, and will die if they do not turn from their wickedness and live. Rather then denying sin, making excuses for it, or using the false veneer of “freedom” to justify it, we should turn to our kind-hearted Lord, who desires not the death of a sinner, and with weeping and groaning, repent and be saved.

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 10:46 PM on Sunday, January 07, 2007 [+] ::

I’m baaaaak

A two week laptop-less vacation…does it get any better?

Saying Goodbye

On Saturday night, we danced. First it was square dance, then fancy Greek dance, then random attempts at laughingly spinning across the room. He did some cool moonwalk type stuff. It was funny. Then we hugged goodbye.

On Sunday morning at the liturgy, he approached the chalice. “The Novice Euphrosymos receives…” I knew it was coming, but a lump involuntarily arose in my throat. Saying goodbye at the end of the conference again made my eyes go blurry.

There is a bittersweetness to monasticism. My friend, a good man, has been taken from us; we can no longer ‘mess’ with him, tease him, greet him with hugs, laugh with him, and wake up early to walk to the monastery together. In another way, he has done what he needed to do; it is no surprise that he answered this call, he is at a good monastery, and the life he has chosen is one that suits him well. We talked a lot about it at the conference, about the world he was leaving and the world he was entering into. The decision was for his salvation, and yet there is still a sadness I cannot help but feel.

So, pray for the new Novice Euphrosymos and the friends and family he has left behind.

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 7:38 PM on Friday, January 05, 2007 [+] ::