:: A Catechumen's Walk ::

:: Monday, December 19, 2005 ::

Orthodox Pop Music

Last Friday, James posted that he would like to see more good Orthodox modern music. With all due respect to those bloggers whose hit count outdoes me by a mile, I respectfully and strongly disagree.

[::steps on soapbox::]

To be blunt, most music that is produced is poor. I am not saying that there are not good songs, but (by definition), most music is just average. In one way, it is good to buy this; we should support our own local artisans who, while generally producing average products, may some day produce something noteworthy. We should support them because they are ‘us;’ local, homegrown, and the guys next door.

At the same time, we should not mass market our local groups, especially their just so-so stuff. Firstly, we need to make sure that we do not produce the loathsome and sensual “Jesus is my girlfriend” music that strongly appeals to the emotions of many teens today. Not only does that wrongly confuse emotion with religion, but it reduces the Church and its glory to the passing fad of popular music; when that song is no longer popular, does the Church which that music reflects also suddenly become passé and irrelevant?

Secondly, Christians are artists. Especially as Orthodox Christians, we have an appreciation of art that modern society lacks; we revel in beauty, and worship the Beautiful Who became physical reality for us. Being myself a musician, I am somewhat familiar with the aural tradition; in both the East and West, Christianity has led the way with great original composers such as Bach, Beethoven, and Tschicovsky. To become beautiful, the ‘music of the world’ has been forced to follow in the beauty of Christianity. There is real beauty in music, and we are in a unique position to ‘see’ it. Before we announce to America what kind of music we produce, we must be able to produce our own, truly beautiful music.

[::jumps, trippingly, off of soapbox::]

Now back to your regular programming…

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 1:00 PM on Monday, December 19, 2005 [+] ::

Vulnerability

This semester has been killer. I don’t think I can remember the last time I worked that hard. It is over now, but it was long and hard. During the hard times, I survived mostly on the prayers of others; I should not have been able to accomplish all that I did. For the first time in a long time, I had to trust God in all things.

This term has been a time of incredible vulnerability for me. It has taught me to rely on God in ways I could not have imagined. I would get to the end of a 16-hour day and stagger to my ikon corner. I had nothing to say, nothing to pray, and I could barely move enough to cross myself. Yet (and only by grace!) I was able to keep my prayer rule. All of my pretensions, both my lies to myself and my lies before God were stripped away. I was able to stand before God in all genuineness. I had to stand there vulnerable, and trust that I would not get hurt.

This term I have had no strength. I have had to be carried by the prayers of others, by the prayers of the saints, and by the grace of God himself. But I made it. I have, in a small way, learned to trust that God is big enough to carry me through what he wills me to do. I have also learned that what I study is what I love; even through the exhaustion of a near-constant fever and the mental blur of an 80+ hour week, I still came out on the other side loving God and confident that I was walking in his will. This knowledge has provided for me more encouragement than almost anything else: it is hard, but God is there. And he is really, really big.

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 5:27 PM on Friday, December 16, 2005 [+] ::

Humble People

I know posts have been spotty/bad recently; I’ll get back to a better schedule as soon as these last two crazy weeks of finals are over!

I am very blessed to have truly humble people as examples in my life. They never talk about humility, but they live it in such clear ways that it humbles even me.

Not being particularly humble myself (as my friends will attest!), I am never sure how to deal with them, however. Here’s an example: Last week, I did something nice for one of these humble people, and she didn’t thank me. I wasn’t expecting thanks (it wasn’t something big, and it was kind of obligatory), but when she realized she had not thanked me, she not only called to thank me, but to apologize.

You know how it is when you are on the phone with someone, and they say, “So, yeah, I’m really sorry that…” And you say…? What? What do you say? I didn’t think she needed to apologize for anything, so what do I say? The awkward silence didn’t cut it too well for me. So, my question to you is: what do you say when someone who is genuinely humble and sweet apologizes to you for something you do not view as wrong?

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 10:04 PM on Saturday, December 10, 2005 [+] ::

Prayer for a Friend

I know there are those out there who pray well, and I am asking for your prayers.

The father of two of my good friends here at Biola is dying of cancer; his name is Larry. He is a missionary-translator who works among the Mayo in Mexico, and he has 7 kids, of which my two friends are the eldest. They removed a tumor from his gallbladder two days ago, and discovered the cancer was malignant and spreading; they gave him a few weeks to two years, probably about 10 months.

Please pray for him; pray for his healing. Pray for us here as we surround our friends with our love. Pray that they can both finish this semester and return next semester. Pray for the nine of them in their family, that God will shelter them in the shadow of his wings. Please.

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 11:30 PM on Friday, December 02, 2005 [+] ::

Politics and Faith

Contra many of the blogs I see around the web, I specifically don’t post political statements, articles, reviews, or opinions. This is mostly because I don’t a political agenda, but it is also because I am unsure of the role it should play in the life of a Christian.

At Biola, many of my Protestant brethren confuse politics and religion, much to the detriment of their faith. They do not understand how anyone can do atrocious things (like dislike Bush!) and still be considered a Christian. They believe that all true Christians will vote like them. Yeah, right.

Of course, I must say that my home church doesn’t have it much better. They stand on the opposite side of the political spectrum from Biola, but they still seem to think that if their pet issue is not the top priority on your list of major issues, you cannot really be a Christian.

How closely should we tie our Christianity to our faith? I never want someone to think that because my political views turned out false that my faith is likewise false; I never want someone to confuse the two in me. Of course, those of you who know me have never heard me discuss politics, and so I stand little chance of this.

There are a few answers I can provide here, however. We must respect our authority, whether or not we agree with them. We must oppose explicitly immoral actions, such as abortion. We must not confuse explicitly immoral things with our own agenda or views (which is what I think often happens!). Other than these few things, I think we are free to hold political opinions all over the boards. What do you think?

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 7:51 PM on Monday, November 28, 2005 [+] ::

St. John of the Cross and Spiritual Pride

Since most of you who read this blog are chums, you must go and listen to the John Coe CL on St. John of the Cross. If you have ever became a Christian, wanted to be a Christian, or thought you were a good/bad Christian, you should listen to this.

I think I’ve solved the major problem of converts. Or at least of this convert. If nothing else, I have moved one more major step toward Orthodoxy. Because of a lecture given by a Protestant professor on a Catholic saint…go figure.

While it goes by its various names, ‘convert’s zeal’ is an undeniable fact in our churches today. We’ve all seen those brand-new converts all excited about their faith come bouncing into the churches looking patently ridiculous. And we scoff at them. And, inevitably, they leave a few weeks/months later, and resume their normal life.

This is not a new phenomenon. St. John of the Cross, a medieval Spanish mystic, also realized this with those who came to his monastery. They came when their spirits had been recently ‘ignited’ by the fire of God. They burned with zeal. But then, they felt that God had left them and fell into despondency. What was happening?

In “The Dark Night of the Soul,” St. John outlines various steps of the soul toward God. We new converts are beginners, and God has given us the ‘milk’ of spiritual pleasure. We feel like God is beside us; for the first time in our lives, we are growing spiritually, and love it. It seems to those watching that vices are slowly disappearing in our lives. We are making progress!

But suddenly, there are sins. The vices that have been ‘disappearing’ are truly being diminished, but at the same time they are taking on a religious aspect. At least for this convert, that hides itself in spiritual pride, or prelest. See, I make the mistake of thinking that the spiritual progress I am making, the spiritual zeal that I feel, and the spiritual changes visible in myself are my own work. I think that somehow me praying/fasting/doing is what is making me feel close to God. I think I am making my spiritual life work.

Then, suddenly, God withdraws the spiritual pleasure. This is St. John’s Dark Night. But because I have fallen into this prelest and believe that it is my works that is giving me this spiritual high, I continue to do the same works and wonder why I have lost the high. I work harder, but to no avail. So, I feel guilty, and I engage in the disciplines to make myself feel good. It still doesn’t work. Soon, I despair of doing the spiritual disciplines, and despair of God altogether. I leave and don’t come back.

Wait a minute…God has not changed. Rather, he has prompted me to grow by withdrawing the milk that marks me as an infant. But in my pride I thought it was my works that were doing this spiritual good for myself. I was wrong; it was God all the way. Regardless of what I do, perhaps even despite what I do, the grace of God is giving me all I have. I cannot boast, for there is nothing that I am or that I have that has not been directly given to me by God. I must grow-up spiritually and stop being a child. I must deal with God’s mercy not being related to my own falsely inflated spiritual pride. God is God no matter what I am or do. Yikes: pride!

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 8:09 PM on Monday, November 21, 2005 [+] ::

Moslems and Christians

This week at Biola, we are having Moslem Awareness Week. It started tonight with one of the most fun ways of getting ‘chapel credit’ Biola has to offer: an interactive simulation where students walk through a series of rooms that resemble different Moslem countries and get a sample of daily life in each. Now, given that we have about 10 minutes in each country, it is not much of a sample, but the atmosphere, costumed actors, music, and local cuisine all make it very enjoyable.

Except that tonight everything seemed a little backwards. The countries represented tonight (Turkey, Spain, and Chechnya) are not countries where Protestantism is ‘spoken.’ In the Turkey room tonight, I sat at a table with a an evil eye and Moslem prayer beads. I asked the host of our table what the “piece of turquoise and string of beads” were, and he only said that there were Arab customs.

In ‘Spain,’ we were told of long-term missionaries, and we were told we would be able to sample “an Arab Christian church.” I got all excited; I thought they meant an Arab Christian Church, not a Protestant church that happened to be in Arabic (and it was in Spanish, anyway!). The same vapid drivel that we coo at chapel was translated, and the folding chairs surrounding the guitarist with the Arabic Bibles casually placed under them reinforced the ‘cultural barrier’ idea I was developing.

In ‘Chechnya,’ we went to a scene that was supposed to be a memorial to where the school bombings occurred; we were told by a weeping mother the story behind them. The ‘memorial’ (supposedly set by Russian Christians?) had nothing that even remotely looked Orthodox. There were no icons, no crosses. They didn’t even mention that it was Christians that the Moslems had attacked; admittedly, they were focused on the Moslem attacking part rather than the Christians being attacked part, but I still could have hoped for something that reminded the students that this was a religiously motivated event.

What is wrong with this picture? What is wrong with it is that it is not us. Mohammedanism is not a perversion of Protestantism; it does not share its roots, a background of 700 years, and most of its tradition with Protestantism. It shares those things with us. The Moslems don’t hate the Protestants; they just don’t GET the Protestants. Of course, the same can be said for the Protestants; they just don’t get the Moslems.

We should have been there. The attacks were against us; they are a heresy (to our shame) spawned from our Church, they stole our temples, our people, and our customs. They bomb us and hate us, because they know what we have and they hate it. We speak their language, their custom, their understanding of the world. So why is it the Protestants that seek to convert them? Why is it those who can neither understand nor be understood that seek to convert those who are understood by us and whom we understand? Does anyone else see this as backwards?

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 11:07 PM on Sunday, November 13, 2005 [+] ::

Maximos, Mysticism, and Monophysites

Last week, I heard an awesome lecture on Maximos the Confessor’s Mystical Theology.

It got me thinking about the relationship of information between mystical reflection and dogmatic theology. From what I understand, Maximos would argue that because he is able to remain fully himself (with a human nature) in his mystical experiences, and yet still be fully joined to God, it must be the case that the two natures of humanity and divinity can exist in union without confusion (hence, this is what Jesus is). It seems that the monophysites/thelytes would be unable to remain fully ‘himself’ in his mystical union, since divinity swallows up humanity (or at least humanity does not remain fully itself when in contact with divinity; see monophysitical Jesus). I also know that the monophysites are able to practice mysticism; the Egyptian desert has been and still is still home to many mystics. How would monophysitical mysticism work from their dogmatic view, and is it able to answer the Chalcedonian objection that the two natures of Jesus needed to be unconfused?

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 12:25 PM on Thursday, November 10, 2005 [+] ::

Go Read the Bible

For the first time in a long time, I sat down this morning and rediscovered a habit I should have never forgotten: reading through an entire epistle in the Bible.

While I admit that I did it for an assignment, I discovered again the beautiful Orthodoxy that emerges when we don’t take the Biblical books in little chunks and out-of-context ‘proof texts,’ but rather read an epistle as it would have been read to the eager listening church at the time of the apostles.

This morning, I read II Peter. You should read II Peter! If there is a more Orthodox epistle in the Bible, I haven’t found it yet. St. Peter warns about Scripture and its dangers when rashly interpreted by “untaught and unstable men” who “distort [it]…to their own destruction.” He reminds us rather to “remember the words spoken beforehand by the holy prophets and the commandment of the Lord and savior spoken by your apostles.” From reading the epistle as a whole, it sounds like there was a good church going, but that they fell into error because they listened to men who took Scripture and interpreted it poorly, which caused both their own destruction and that of others. St. Peter explicitly states (the oft-quoted verse) “No prophecy of Scripture is a matter of one’s own interpretation.” On its own, this verse only speaks against me interpreting the Bible for me . It becomes much more exciting, however, when attached to the next verse, which says, “for no prophecy was ever made by an act of human will, but men moved by the Holy Spirit spoke from God.” Perhaps I am interpreting this wrong (!), but it seems to say that because prophecy involves being moved by the Holy Spirit and speaking from God, it should also be interpreted by one who posses these same attributes. Who is this but the Bride of Christ, the very Church who is of the Holy Spirit and continues to incarnate Christ in the world today? There is nothing that is more possessed or fully moved by the Holy Spirit than the Church, and there is nothing therefore that is able to interpret the words which God spoke.

If I haven’t convinced you to read the second epistle of St. Peter , will it help if I tell you that it is only about 1500 words? That’s slightly more than 3 typed pages…or just more than four times the length of this blog entry. It’s short. It’s really good. And it’s kind of cool to read a whole epistle in one sitting.

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 2:31 PM on Saturday, November 05, 2005 [+] ::

Protestant, Just Like Me

Today as I was preparing to go to an Antiochian college group meeting (St. John the Divine), I was brainstorming some intelligent questions I could pose to the group. Despite attending an Antiochian church, I very much consider myself OCA, and would have attended the meeting as such. Of course, the issue I would have then wanted to discuss would be jurisdictional unity.

For the purposes of this blog, jurisdictional unity means a single American church ruled by one bishop per city/geographical area (I am not even discussing language here at all). As I think about it, jurisdictional unity has this funny flavor to it; then it occurred to me: it would be Protestant, just like me.

Before I am beaten over the head with blog-clubs, let me explain myself. Let’s suppose the AOA and OCA became jurisdictionally unified. The wonderful world of ‘theologians’ would be happy; those of us who spend far too much of our time in books and far too little of our time with people would celebrate an apparent step toward unity. But what would it look like in the pews? What about the different cultures the various versions of Orthodoxy have ‘grown up’ in? How do you reconcile them?

I am referring to the little pious customs that are, with varying degrees of strictness, theologically-based. Do we women cover our heads? Stand in church? What about pews? Do we bow when we cross ourselves? Should we be like the Rumanians, and kneel? On Sunday? On Saturday? What about prostrations? What about some Belo-Russians, who make mentias during the sign of cross (a very cool looking practice, if you’ve ever observed it)? Should our priests wear collars? Slacks? Beards? Do we shake their hands, or kiss them? Should they wear hats, or not?

The answer to these and other questions spring from the soil in which Orthodoxy is planted. Each Orthodox culture is able to answer these based on its long history of Orthodoxy. Some of them are culturally practical: Russian priests wear hats because it’s cold in Russia. Some of them have developed from pious practices, like the Rumanians kneeling.

American Orthodoxy does not have this culture or history to inform her future. She has many bits and pieces of customs, and my fear is that if the various jurisdictions unify, they will necessarily throw their particular customs to the wind. They will pick up a smattering of customs, some from this culture, some from that culture, picking and choosing as the local community decides. Need I remind you: Protestantism is a Christian theology that picks from a smattering of various theologies, a little from this theologian, a little from that one, and piecemeal puts it together as the very autonomous community decides is best. I am not claiming that American Orthodoxy would do this [explicitly] theologically, but rather that it would do it with the various Orthodox customs. And in a Church where practice is so intimately related to belief, this becomes theologically dangerous.

I am not offering a solution to the painful problem of Orthodox practical disunity, but am rather offering an explanation as to why Orthodox attempts at jurisdictional unity feel so oddly familiar to this recovering Protestant.

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 7:41 PM on Saturday, October 29, 2005 [+] ::

Goods, Greater and Lesser

I have a [completely hypothetical and fictitious!] friend, Sam. He is a marginal Catholic/Protestant, and goes to church a few times a year. From his neglect of it, he has a rather weak soul; one day, out of curiosity, he comes up to me [an obnoxiously zealous new convert] and says, “I hear you’re Orthodox. Can you tell me about it?” We talk over dinner, and he says, “Wow. That’s cool. Can I come to church with you sometime?” I tell him that yeah, that’s fine. But then I tell him something odd: “But don’t become Orthodox. Just don’t.”

Have you ever done this, or is it only me? I am rather ‘known’ around Biola for being Orthodox, and ‘known’ for being pro-church, yet at the same time I am known for telling others that they should not become Orthodox. I find good Protestant and good Catholic churches for those who come to me, but I won’t find them a good Orthodox church, even if they ask. If they are really insistent, they can work it out themselves; however, I have not known any one to do so by my influence.

Crazy? Anit-Evangelical? Hardly. Rather, by the time people ask me about church (often people I don’t even know!), they are usually not ready to hear theology. They are either like Sam, who just needs to go to a church where he can fit in, be comfortable, and meet God where he is at, or they are so tired of the search that they need to be found yesterday. I do not want to make converts. I want make Christians. It is too hard and too wearing on the soul of a Westerner exhausted by the world to try to convert to Orthodoxy. If we even offer it as an option, we risk loosing the soul to Christ forever. We converts have all seen this; those who can’t make it, and perhaps never should have tried. Yes, it is a lesser good, but it is one that is nowhere near as risky, and is help and hope to hurting souls.

My friend (and often blog commenter) J. was arguing that we should spur people to the Higher Good. Man was made for the Good, and he will not be happy unless he achieves it. Orthodoxy is Good, and nothing else even compares. But it is also hard. I say it is too hard; he says the Good is always hard, but it is always worth it. I don’t think the risk is worth the cost; he claims that the Good is risky, but it is what humans were created to do (can you tell J. is a Thomist?).

What do you think? Should we spur people on to the Greatest Good for which they were created, at the risk of loosing their souls? Or should we settle for lesser goods? The philosophical answer may be clear enough, and we would all agree that the Higher Good is better. But bring yourself back down to earth (the oikoinomia of the incarnation) and think of the weak and/or hurting soul who comes with the question, “Should I convert?” Answer slowly; I don’t think it’s an obvious one.

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 6:48 PM on Sunday, October 23, 2005 [+] ::

I'm not that weird...

Go take the belief.net quiz on "What's Your Faith?" At least this time I'm not Orthodox Jewish (I think I was last time on one of their tests!)

1. Eastern Orthodox (100%)
2. Roman Catholic (100%)
3. Seventh Day Adventist (93%)
4. Orthodox Quaker (89%)
5. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (84%)
6. Hinduism (79%)
7. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (63%)
8. Orthodox Judaism (60%)
9. Jainism (59%)
10. Sikhism (59%)

Although, at the same time the fact that I am as Catholic as I am Orthodox, or that I am nearly 80% Hindu makes me a little scared...

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 8:37 PM on Sunday, October 16, 2005 [+] ::

Through the Prayers of…

One of the more frequent phrases we hear in the Church during any given service, especially if celebrated without a priest, is “Through the prayers of our holy fathers, Lord Jesus Christ our God, have mercy on us! Amen.”

I have heard various interpretations of what this means, and who should use it. I was told by a monk that it is to be said only at monasteries, and it asks for the prayers the holy fathers in the community who have fallen asleep in the Lord; if they have obtained boldness before the Lord, we beseech them to pray for us. I was told by a pious professor that it is in reference to the present members of the Church militant; we end a service with it and we bow to each other, asking God to save us through the prayers of our fellow-strugglers in our community. I have seen it used in parish practice to substitute at any time when the priest is supposed to give an exclamation, but for some reason is unable to do so. In other words, no one really knows what it means.

That’s beside the point. The point is that this semester, I am living off of your prayers. I feel as though I am a giant spiritual black-hole, greedily sucking in the prayers of others to survive, while producing nothing useful. If nothing else during this trying time, I can really tell that there are people around me praying for me. I am surviving the busiest time of my life I can remember, but I am only do so by the prayers of my holy fathers, be they those of my biological family, my church, my friends, or those in blog-land. Please continue to pray for me; I can feel it, and it is encouraging.

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 8:22 PM on [+] ::

Praying for…grades?

I try to pray a couple of times each day. Our school library has the Great Horologion (go figure!), and so I have access to the texts of all the services, as well as the Book of Akathists (again, Biola library!) and other various prayers. I read them, pray them, and greatly appreciate them.

Then I sometimes I start thinking about the verse where Christ says that he will give us what we ask for, and that he is compassionate as a father toward his sons. The prayers I so love are complete: they ask for everything that I could possibly want for the day and more. But then I think…what do I want? I am still trying to decide if this is greed or presumption in asking for more than I should, or if it is somehow acceptable to ask for what I want.

I have been in school my whole life, and I cannot remember ever explicitly praying for good grades; I have usually gotten them, but I can’t ever remember specifically praying to get them. I am wondering if it is alright to pray that I get good grades. In one sense, it is completely superfluous; I have health, life, peace, salvation…all the fullness of the riches of the grace of God, and yet I want to ask for something as transitory and meaningless as grades. At the same time, I know that my parents love me, and I know they would do all they could to help me succeed in what I love so much (namely, my studies). I also know that God loves me more than even my parents. I believe all parents desire that their children excel in that which they love and which is good for them; therefore, it would make sense that God would want me to do well in my studies. So, should I pray that I get good grades?

In this situation, I hope not to fall victim to the prayer I so often see desperate students offer: they stayed up all night partying, have not studied, and pray that they will ace the exam. I am rather asking what seems more reasonable to me: namely, that my work and my study are rewarded by the grades I desire.

I am not sure if this is a valid prayer; it feels awkward offering it, when prayer for so many greater things could be offered. I could rather pray for those who do not have life, health, salvation, peace, comfort, joy, and the rest of the wonderful abundance of the love of God. But I am praying for myself, for something petty. Yet, in my greed and desire to excel, I still offer it. Is that wrong?

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 10:35 AM on Tuesday, October 11, 2005 [+] ::

Fasting, Fish, and Friday

Last Friday, the cafeteria had fish. Now, most Fridays the cafeteria has fish (the cooks are predominantly practicing Catholics), but last Friday it was grilled salmon. I love grilled salmon, even if it’s caf grilled salmon. But it was Friday.

I got in line anyway. As I got closer to the front of the line, I realized how exhausted I was (not just tired, but that true exhaustion of too much work). While I knew that to eat salmon is not a moral sin, it was still something I shouldn’t do, and if done, something about which I should repent. I didn’t have the time or energy to repent, so I got out of line and never ate the salmon.

Now, this may sound quite stupid, but like Abelard, I wonder where sin is and where it is not. I wanted to eat the salmon. I would have eaten the salmon (an accidental sin), but for my own laziness (a moral, rather than accidental sin). In one sense, it seems as though I stopped myself from doing it, but in another sense, it seems like I was only too lazy to follow through with the sin. One of them is to be commended; the other to be pitied.

After thinking about it for a few days, I have come to the conclusion that while I did not break the fast in a technical sense, I still did something wrong. Perhaps I broke the spirit of the fast? Perhaps I was lazy? Perhaps it would be better if I had eaten the salmon? (It sure would have saved me a lot of thought over it!) I am not sure where I am wrong, only that I am wrong. It’s like one of those irritating math problems where you just can’t figure out why you’re getting the wrong answer…

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 5:04 PM on Wednesday, October 05, 2005 [+] ::

The Bible…Or People?

After attending yet another of the excellent expository sermons at Talbot (Biola’s affiliated seminary) yesterday, a quote from the speaker stuck with me. He was quoting one of his own professors from Dallas Theological Seminary. The jist was that to a group of seminarians, he said, “You think you are here to teach the Bible? You are not here to teach the Bible! You are here to teach people!”

We are not here to teach the Bible, the Church, or any doctrine. We are here to teach people. Specifically, we are here to teach them to love God and to love man, and by doing so, to save their souls.

How do we teach this? For some of us, we may never stand (as my beloved priest does) with the cross in our hand just outside the Royal Doors, waving it to emphasize points in the sermon. We are never to be the one in the spotlight, whom every one remembers as the ‘Good teacher.’ It is a lot easier to teach like that, but I have found that the teaching does not go as deep, and is quickly forgotten. It is harder, but better, to teach people how to love by loving them. Not only will they remember this more, but they will understand you better and will themselves learn to love.

So, don’t go and teach the Bible, the Church, or any doctrine. Go and teach people. Love them, love God, and save your soul!

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 12:49 PM on Wednesday, September 28, 2005 [+] ::

I really can’t remember the last time I missed church. Certainly not in the four years I have been at Biola…and I highly doubt I did during high school either. Yet, here I sit on Sunday morning, with this stupid flu…

Suffering is good for me, right? Yeah, now if I could only learn to do so in silence…

I'll be back up to posting as soon as I get healthy and work my way out of the massive piles of work that have been steadily accumulating. Give me a week or so.

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 10:32 AM on Sunday, September 25, 2005 [+] ::

Orthodox People

When I first came to an Orthodox church, I made sure I knew what to do when…all that bowing, crossing yourself, kissing things can make a newbie quite nervous. Last night, as I went to the Holy Virgin Cathedral to venerate the Sitka ikon, I had yet another good laugh at myself as I discovered again the answer to all of the ‘procedural’ questions of the Orthodox church comes down to simple piety.

At one point in the middle of the Vigil, some people started to come forward to venerate the ikon, which was prominently placed in the middle of the church. I am not sure when, I am certainly not sure why, and I am not even sure to what end. It ended up, however, that most of the people lined up to venerate the ikon…right in the middle of the service. The people weren’t paying attention to the canon (how many of you actually pay attention to the orthros canon anyway?), but they were paying attention to the ikon. It was simple, unlearned, unprovoked, and spontaneous. No theologian was needed to interpret what was happening. People love the Mother of God and wanted to kiss her.

It reminded me that while we converts tend to be intellectuals, theologians, and painstakingly precise in our orthropraxis, the beautiful spontaneous acts of true veneration will always find their way through all of the carefully choreographed services.

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 10:08 PM on Sunday, September 18, 2005 [+] ::

Emersonain Caps

In his essay on Experience, Ralph Waldo Emerson mentions an interesting psuedo-scientific idea that was popular at his time and is beginning to make a re-appearance in our own time. While Emerson’s instantiation is that “the [religious] creed [is] in the biliary duct”, the modern instantiation is that there is some sort of a ‘God-gene’ that makes people ‘susceptible’ to religious experiences and beliefs. In fact, it is only the strict individuality of Emersonians that could make this believable, and any examination of history from a non-Emersonian view will show this to be false.
It is easy enough to put an electric cap on someone and induce a ‘religious experience.’ The person with the cap will actually believe he is having a religious experience, and everyone else will be able to see that he is wearing a cap. It is only the man who does not know that he is wearing a cap (he cannot see it). If that man were Emersonian, and believed that he should listen only to himself and his own ideas with no conformity to the ideas of others, he would claim that he is original that the others were trying to force him into conformity. This man thinks he is happy, because he sees himself as having unique experiences, and this will serve all the more to convince him that he is genuine and that the rest of the people are not only unoriginal, but trying to crush his individuality. Because of this man’s staunch Emersonian attitude of individuality, the cap will remain on his head, and he will live a false life, having his false experiences while desperately trying to convince the rest of the world that they are real.
The solution to this is to allow the other people to not only tell us that we are wearing caps (and I believe we are all wearing them), but to allow them to be removed. We should not want to be an individual. Rather, we should allow history, tradition, and other ‘normalizing’ sources to inform us that we are not ‘special.’ Therefore, if the rest of the world does not have the experiences we claim to experience, it is reasonable to conclude that we are wearing a cap; we should allow knowledge of tradition to inform us of this and remove from our heads the cap. Or, if we are unable through various means to become explicitly aware of the existence of the cap, we should be living in a community with other people who are able to see our caps and even without our explicit knowledge begin to remove them.
There can be no God-gene that can have significant impacts on the religious life of a person. This would only be a cap that he was wearing, and his experience with history, tradition, and the community around him would tell him that he is abnormal, and therefore is likely wearing a cap. If he thought this through, he would try to remove this cap (ie: not be religious). However, all of history, tradition, and community points to the fact that humans have always been religious. It is only in the last 100 or so years that we have become ‘abnormal’ and non-religious. Therefore, we should fight our Emersonian tendencies toward individualism and realize the cap we are wearing is likely the one that tells us we are not religious. We should remove it and realize that religion is not abnormal, but is in fact fundamental to our humanity.

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 12:33 PM on Thursday, September 15, 2005 [+] ::

Saving The World, One Soul At A Time

After church today, there was a baptism. The sign of the cross was imprinted in oil not only on the body of baby Alexandra, but was stamped most firmly on her soul. In the 45 minute service, she (through her godparents) faced Satan, fought him, beat him, died to her old sinful self, and was brought up a newly-made being after the resurrection of Christ.

The world is getting saved! One soul at a time, we, in our filth and sinfulness, are returning to life as it is meant to be lived. We are not loosing this battle, and we are not giving up. Take courage, take hope!…one more soul wears the sign of the cross, one more soul will learn to follow her Lord…one more soul.

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 8:09 PM on Sunday, September 11, 2005 [+] ::

Giving Glory to God

Last Thursday, for the first time in Biola’s history, there was an Orthodox service held on campus. With the blessing of our priest, 4 Biola Orthodox students got together and chanted reader’s vespers in Hope Hall. It was good; it was odd-feeling; it was glorious.

I invited everyone I thought who would be interested (around 15 people), and we had 4 (good!). I believe we will have more next week, as some people called and said they would come. Of course, I left my octoechos in my room, but it worked anyway (I used odes to a canon that was in the horologion, and no one in the group but myself could tell). I brought a few ikons, we set them up, and started. Everyone read a stasis of the kathisma (too fast, but that’s OK), and we prayed together.

Mostly, we prayed together, and in our way, not afraid of anyone bugging us (actually, I was deathly afraid, but that aside…). We crossed ourselves, bowed, and prayed that the Mother of God would be our protectress. We prayed that the saints would intercede before the throne of our merciful Master; we prayed that our guardian angels would defend and guide our souls. It was glorious!

So, please pray for us and our young group. Pray for the students at Biola, that God will truly save their souls. Pray for the administration, that if our activities are discovered (we work hard to not have this happen, but if…) we will not get in trouble. Pray for the catechumens and Orthodox here, that they learn to balance going to Biola and being Orthodox. Pray also for me, a sinner, as I in turn pray for our group. Thank you!

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 9:45 AM on Sunday, September 04, 2005 [+] ::

Lord, Help My Unbelief!

I am a sinner.

Last Saturday, someone told me that E. was coming to church with us. E.? Church? Although he graduated a few years ago, I remember him well. I was either a freshman or sophomore, and I would be praying in the caf. I would quietly and subtly cross myself as I finished. Before I could pick up my fork, E. was at the table, “Are you a Catholic?” He’d ask. I’d explain that, no, I was not a Catholic…but it didn’t matter. His tirade had started. Catholics are not Christians. They are damned. They do not know Jesus. The Catholic Church is the anti-Christ. He would go on, and on, and on. If it was one of the occasions where I could (tentatively) bring up an Orthodox doctrine, it would be subjected to the same treatment, although it was clear he knew how to bash Catholics better than Orthodox.

So, I found out he was coming to my church. Gulp. Why was he coming? He didn’t need to come bash us at our own church. What if he were obnoxious during the service? We have some sweet, but theologically ignorant people at our church; what if he got into a debate with one of them? What if…I really wasn’t looking forward to Sunday.

He was there when I got to church. I stood where I could not see him, halfway holding my breath and trying to focus on the service. Interestingly enough, I saw him cross himself out of the corner of my eye as Father was censing us. I started to wonder…At the end of the service, he went up and venerated the cross. Now I was definitely wondering. I haven’t been around for the last year, and I have seen some awesome stuff in my time here at Biola…I knew our two most recent catechumens when they were active in the Reformation Club…maybe…

After the service he told me he had been a catechumen for a few months at St Barnabus (another local church). My jaw hit the ground. This was E! You don’t understand…E! I tried to think of something to say…something other than “Uhhhh…ummm” I gave up and just asked his forgiveness. I had given up on him. After that many debates, arguments, discussions…it seemed hopeless. Of course, he was equally shocked to see me there, “You mean, all this time you’ve been going to this church? Really?” His thick Louisiana drawl getting thicker as he got more surprised, “You should have invited me!” I didn’t know what to say but to just tell him the truth and beg his forgiveness. I felt all of two inches tall. I had given up, and I had been proven wrong. But he was there; we were having this conversation. Glory to God! Ouch, but glory to God!

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 9:59 PM on Monday, August 29, 2005 [+] ::

Christ is Risen!

Today I received an interesting email. An friend of mine, a Biola grad and catechumen, asked me why I believe in the resurrection. My eyes have not seen it; my hands have not touched his side, and yet I am willing to base my life on the fact that Jesus rose. The following paragraph is my response:

If Jesus did not rise, than the Christian faith is totally vain. Man is damned to Hell, and there is nothing we can do about it. Man was created in the image of God, by the Word of God, who is the Image of God Himself. Man fell from God’s grace by pride and disobedience. The image of God became marred in him, and through his continual turning toward sin, it would have been destroyed. This destruction of man is his non-existence; if God “is,” then non-existence (“non-is”) is the opposite of God, insofar as he can have an opposite. This destruction of man is death. In his immeasurable love for mankind, God condescended and came to earth; the Word who made man in his image came himself to restore man to that image. He did this by being born of a Virgin, and living a perfect life, teaching man not only by his words, but by his actions. In this life, Jesus needed to do everything a man did so as to make it holy by having God himself do it. But death, or non-existence by separation from “He who Is,” cannot be sanctified; it must be defeated. So Jesus died. He descended to Hades, and defeated Death. Then he rose again to raise fallen mankind with himself. If he did not rise from the dead, than neither can I rise from the dead; if he did not rise, then the incarnation is a failure, since its purpose was to save mankind. If he did not rise, I will die and be separated from God forever.
But the resurrection is not the end of the story. We are not only able to defeat death to dwell forever on this earth, but Jesus was raised to heaven. Not only “from death to life, but from earth to heaven has God raised him up.” We can go a step more than just this earthly life; we can go to Heaven. All that we are is sanctified and sits this moment at the right hand of God. If Jesus didn’t rise, I am dead and will die. If he did rise, then I have already passed from death to life.

Does that make sense? Any other ideas?

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 5:21 PM on Saturday, August 27, 2005 [+] ::

Ready

This is perhaps one of the most unsettling times of any term. I think I’m ready. I’m moved in, I have my classes, stuff, books…now I just wait. There are two-thousand little things I need to get done, but I either can’t remember them or have judged them as too difficult to do before the real beginning of term. So…here I sit, trying not to be bored while nervously twiddling my thumbs.

Sometimes, I wonder if I am not like this all the time. Just making time pass so that I can get to tomorrow, get to the next step, or go forward. We hear that time is short, and that we should redeem it. We should be ready, but there are those two-thousand irritating things to do…so we can sit and twiddle our thumbs, or we can try just one more time to do something good. I watch the clock to see when I can go to bed, hoping to bring on the next day by my sleep. I think of next month, next year, when I will be here or there…I think that I will be kind the next time I do it, or that I will pray more tomorrow. Now is all we have. There is so much to do; I only pray the grace to do it!

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 10:23 PM on Monday, August 22, 2005 [+] ::

School Again

I am back at school, trying to get back into school. I ended up getting bumped off of the housing list, so I have a room that I am sharing, and it is not really where I wanted to be. But, I can survive anything, right?

More interestingly, I was thinking of something cool the other day. I am the president of a club, the Early Church History Guild. We are not an official OCF because we cannot be such on this campus, but we mostly fulfill the functions of one. Anyway, we meet every other Thursday right now...what would happen if I did a readers vespers on the Thursdays that we didn't meet? I know how to do it, and I could certainly obtain the proper liturgical material...but the hardest part would be getting the required blessing from a priest to do it. It also may be touh to get a room on a regular basis, but I think even that could be arranged. So is this a totally long shot, or is it doable? I am willing to commit to doing it, and even if there are only two or three people there, it is good to pray.

That's the other interesting part about this year. We seem to have (I believe) 9 Orthodox/catechumens on campus, and another 4 or so attending Orthodox churches, or who have recently emailed me and asked for information/church rides. What happened? I remember when itt was 1...yikes! So, what do we do with a bunch of catechumens? I do not want to seem as though I am Protestant, but I don't want to encourage in them any anti-Protestant prejudices. I just want them to love God truly, and in doing so to find the Orthodox Church as truly and beautifully as I have found it. I am even awkward doing services with them there...I know I should be talking, but they are so new and zealous and convert-ish...I love them, and want to encourage their zeal, but I do not want to push them to hard and cause them to fall. I am afraid they will think I am good at being Orthodox, or that I can somehow help them. Not really! I just don't want them to fall away; I want that their souls be saved! I have the feeling that I will just get in their way, that I will hinder God, and that I will cause them to leave Orhtodoxy. This more than anything makes me wish Bree were here this term to deal with all the interest in Orthodoxy that she has spawned on this campus. I can't do it!

So, pray for me this term. I hvae my most academically challenging term, as well as ECH to coordinate. Mostly, I have the responsibility of 'being' Orthodox to people who ask. And I myself am just a convert, a catechumen, unable to do this. Please, pray for me!

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 10:08 AM on Saturday, August 20, 2005 [+] ::

The Law

Why don’t I get baptized? I think St. Paul answers that question quite well as he says (Romans 7), “For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I. If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good. Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me…For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do. Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me. For I delight in the law of God after the inward man: But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? 25I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.”

Right now, I am free. I know no law. Let me give an example. I know the fasting rules of the Church, and I keep them. But I don’t have to. I am still free; there is no law that binds me to them. Because I am free from the law, it is easy for me to practice it. I do not fear (much) adversity if I do not do well. So, I do well because I do not have to. But I know myself. If I had to do something, like St. Paul, I would not do the good that I want to do precisely for the reason that the law compels me to do it. So, while I am free, it is easy enough to do. But once I am bound by the law to do it, it becomes more difficult, if not impossible, to do.

I would rather pray, fast, and live the Christian life freely than be bound by a law to do so. I know in one way that if I sin (don’t do it right), I am guilty. But in another way, I do not feel as guilty as if I had broken a law to which I had been bound. So, I’ll live the Christian life as best I can, but try to avoid the war between me and my flesh that will ensue when I take the next step. Does that make sense to anyone else?

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 10:56 AM on Tuesday, August 16, 2005 [+] ::

Emerson’s Cult of Me

I have just finished reading Ralph Waldo Emerson’s “Address before the senior class in Divinity College, Cambridge.” He speaks about Me, specifically what I view as “The Cult of Me.”

If nothing else, Emerson speaks of the individual. The individual is the greatest a man can be. He should not try to be conform his ideas to those of any other group, be they geographical, political, or social. He should not listen to other men’s words about God, but rather find those words out himself; he should seek only to live himself. Man is the best he can be when he is by himself seeking God in himself; he should not become subject to any other nature, even if that is the nature of Christ (who, according to Emerson, is not God). If he wishes to find God, a man must reject “his portrait as the vulgar draw it” and seek to rediscover it through new, personal revelations to himself.

This is the Cult of Me. The whole world revolves around the individual. A man is saved when he realizes himself and rejects other men, especially their ideas. Emerson is far-sighted enough to see the results of his singular, self-centered Christianity. One of the main reasons that people do not come to church is because of the quality of preaching; church is nothing more than a sermon. There is no concept of prayer, service, fellowship, or thanksgiving in church for Emerson, but only the hearing of an individual speaking to other individuals.

It’s all about me. I should be entertained by the sermon. I should only have to “Obey thyself.” I should only have to do what I want. I should be able to get to God by myself, thank you very much. I don’t need you or anyone else. I want to be God. Me. All alone.

This isn’t Christianity! We worship God in Trinity; a community of persons. I am saved by your prayers, and by the prayers of the saints. I am not able to do it myself; that is why I go to church in the first place! If nothing else, I need God. I am not an island. Emerson wants to make me one. A really big, spiritual island, but still all alone.

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 2:56 PM on Saturday, August 06, 2005 [+] ::

One down, 1534 more to go!

This weekend, I survived. Moreover, I said my lifetime confession. I didn’t pass out. I didn’t wimp out. I actually did it.

Luckily for me, the 2.5 hour ordeal (termed ‘short’ by Father afterwards!) didn’t require me to talk much. I came with four nicely typed pages based on an outline he’d given me. I said the first two sins on the list, and then it became more of an instructional dialogue than a ‘confession’ in the sense that I had imagined it. He did most of the talking. It was a general question/answer with dialogue to explain why I had committed this and that specific sin; they themselves were not of as much importance. He is a good confessor, or I must be really transparent; his conclusions were excellent. I could not have even put into what he was saying into words, but I was shocked at how incredibly accurate he was.

Now that I look back on it, I see he was being as gentle as he possibly could; that would never have been an adjective I would have applied to him before yesterday. I knew that everything I had listed on that paper was a sin (hence, I had listed it on that paper!). Through the entire thing, he never once said, “That was wrong” or “That was a sin” or something patronizingly stupid like that. I think I half expected him to kind of condemn me, or at least judge me a little. I was really shocked at how he didn’t do the least of either. I am certainly still scared of him (especially when he is at the altar!), but he seemed to understand that I was terrified, and he was as patient and gentle as he could possibly be. He seemed to be really good at picking out what I was trying to say even when I wasn’t saying it. You know, I’d list like 6 things in one breath, hoping that he would try to hear them all and miss the bad one in the middle? (I’m sure no one else has ever tried that; and if you haven’t, it doesn’t work one bit!) He saw right through it and nailed me about the one that I was trying to ‘slide over.’ But he didn’t judge me. I know he heard me and listened; we dialogued, but at the same time, I can’t imagine someone hearing that list of sins and not condemning me. I also can’t explain how surprised I was at both his gentleness or lack of condemnation.

The things he told me were not new. They seemed new and profound, but as I look back, he told me to love God, and to love people, and do everything I can for their salvation. The central idea was love. Love God, love man. Having that applied to my life, though, was radical. I saw how I did not love God or people (mostly people, actually!), and how I could do so.

It felt less like what I’d always imagined confession to be, and more of a dialogue with another person over snack (in front of me was his hand-cross, a Gospel, and a bowl of fresh red cherries). He seemed less like a priest than I think I’d ever seen him. Even with the epitrachelion on, he seemed more like a fellow struggler, just another person along this path of salvation. When he was acting most as my spiritual father, he seemed the least like a spiritual father. He was just another Christian; he wasn’t the intimidating priest I see at the altar, or the bubbly monk running around playing host. I guess I respect him more now, but in a different way. When I first met him and I told him I was scared of him, he used to say “All ground is level at the foot of the cross.” In my confession, when the very un-levelness should have been most obvious, the ground seemed the most level indeed.

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 9:21 PM on Sunday, July 31, 2005 [+] ::

The Other Day…

This short fiction is the result of reading authors like Nathaniel Hawthorne, Flannery O’Conner, and Henry James; it is my first attempt at such, so it may not work too well.

The other day, as I rushing to get ready for Liturgy, I remembered that there was this guy who had insulted me the other day. I would see him at Liturgy this morning, and I would set him straight. As I was leaving my room with these thoughts, I felt a icy shiver; I was suddenly afraid that there was a little demon sitting right behind my door. As I nervously opened the door, I saw a little green slimy thing, squatting and hunched over, all 18 inches of it, blocking my path. I sighed a sigh of relief, “Whew! I’m glad it’s just you, Anger. I thought it was a demon or something come to scare me!” I laughed at my own stupidity, gingerly picked up my Anger, put him in my pack, and continued down the hall.

As I walked down the hall, I passed the mirror on the side door. As I got closer, I had a breath of apprehension…was there something waiting for me? I was afraid to go on, but my Anger was strong now, and so I had to keep going. As I passed the mirror, however, I realized how foolish my apprehension was. There, in the mirror, was an ugly, wart-covered demon of a few feet tall. “Oh, that’s nothing I should be afraid of! That’s just my old pal, Vanity!” Along with Anger, I scooped her up and put her in my pack.

As I walked out past the kitchen, I saw that woman that everyone always likes. You know her, right? She’s so nice to everyone, and she helps people a lot. “You know, everyone always thinks good things of her, and they forget you. She always is the center of attention, she has everything.” I heard these coming from right behind my left ear. I checked; Vanity and Anger will still in my pack, so who could this new voice belong to? Of course, it was another one of my companions, the eight-legged poisonous spider-like demon of Jealousy. I found myself agreeing with this new companion, almost despite myself. “Yeah, it’s not fair,” I replied to this old friend, and quickly stuffed him into my pack.

By the time I got out of the building, I had acquired a whole host of my old friends in my pack. I had Anger, Vanity, Jealousy, Lust, Pride, Self-justification, Sloth, and many of their other companions. I got a few feet from my building, but I was too tired to go on; my back hurt from the heavy pack I was carrying. And besides, I didn’t really want to go to church anymore. After all, I’m too scared of the priests.

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 9:51 PM on Wednesday, July 27, 2005 [+] ::

Alyse

Pure maiden, so suddenly
thrust into the embrace of the Mother of God,

we who are left among the wreckage
weep that your alms-giving heart and hands
no longer anoint us,
that your loving face has turned away to the pure heights.
And yet it takes our breath away to think
what songs in that feast of entry
you in the procession of candle-bearing maidens hear.
Oh, you lived honorably dear friend, sweet daughter;
what crown of peace sits on your brow today!
- by Christopher Lewis

In memory of Alyse Veronica Handelilh, September 3rd, 1985 – July 20th, 2005.

So often we would speak of the frivolous things in life, forgetting what is important. So often we forget to say goodbye, sure that we will meet again so soon. We will meet again, my friend, but I must wait many more years. May your soul dwell with the blessed, and may your memory be eternal!

Alyse was killed in a car wreck as she and some other friends drove back from their diocene conference. Please pray for our community in Santa Rosa, as this loss of such a bright young life is shocking to us all. Please pray for the driver, Mara, who is still in a Boston hospital recovering. Please pray for Alyse’s soul.

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 6:17 PM on Sunday, July 24, 2005 [+] ::

Apropos for the feast day…

A Prayer to St. Seraphim

O most wondrous Father seraphim, thou great wonderworker of Sarov, ready helper of all that have recourse to thee! During thine earthly life none went away from thee empty and without consolation, but the sight of thy face and the kindly sound of thy words was sweetness to all, for to them the gift of healing, the gift of clairvoyance, the gift of treating afflicted souls, appeared abundant in thee. And when God summoned thee from thine earthly labors to heavenly rest, in no wise did thy love abandon us, and it is not possible to count they miracles, which are as numerous as the stars of heaven. For lo, thou dost appear unto the people of God throughout all the ends of our world, and dost grant them healing. Wherefore, we cry out to thee: O most gentle and meek saint of God, bold intercessor before Him that dost in no wise turn away them that call upon thee: offer up thy mighty prayer for us unto the Lord of hosts, that He strengthen our Orthodox hierarchy and grant us all that is needful in this life and all that is profitable for the salvation of our souls, that He keep us from falling into sin and teach us true repentance, wherein without incurring offense we may enter into the heavenly Kingdom, where thou dost now shine in unfading glory, and there with all the saints hymn the life-originating Trinity unto the end of the ages. Amen.

Another Prayer to St. Seraphim

O great servant of God, our venerable and God-bearing Father Seraphim! Look down from the heights of glory upon us, the lowly and infirm, weighed down by many sins, who entreat thy help and comfort. Look down upon us in thy compassion, and help us to keep the commandments of the Lord blamelessly, to hold fast to the Orthodox Faith, to offer repentance earnestly unto God in our sinfulness, through Grace to progress in Christian piety and to be worthy of thine intercession before God for us. Yea, O saint of God, hearken unto us that entreat thee with faith and love, and disdain us not that are in need of thy defense. Now and at the hour of our death, help us and by thy prayers defend us from the evil wiles of the devil, that their power not prevail over us, but that by thine aid we may be vouchsafed to inherit the bliss of the mansions of paradise. For in thee do we now place our hope, O compassionate father: be thou truly unto us a guide to salvation, and lead us to the unwaning light of eternal life by thy God-pleasing intercession at the throne of the Most-holy Trinity, that with all the saints we may glorify and hymn the right-worshipful Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, unto the ages of ages. Amen.

Holy Father Seraphim, pray for us sinners!

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 7:09 PM on Monday, July 18, 2005 [+] ::

Priests, Please Forgive Us Converts!

I found this introduction to an article by Fr. Jonah of St. John the Baptist. It deserves reprinting here…mostly because it is so true!

5 Good Reasons NOT to Visit a Monastery
Hieromonk Jonah (Paffhausen)
The priest looked out of the altar, checking to see if the choir director was ready to begin the hours before the Divine Liturgy. Just as he was ready to say, "Blessed is our God," his newest convert, Bill, made a grand entrance into the church, having just gotten back from his latest pilgrimage to another monastery. Bill—or Vasili, as he now insisted on being called—had been a normal young evangelical convert, clean-cut, single, and working his first job out of college. Then he discovered Orthodoxy in a bookstore, and with great zeal embraced the Faith. He was chrismated after a usual six-month catechumenate, during which he read just about every book in print on the Orthodox Faith.
After a year or so, Bill had decided to go visit monasteries. This is where his change began. He became more pious and more serious about his faith, but also started to become, well, weird. Like this Sunday morning. Bill/Vasili was not content to come in like everyone else. Rather, prayer ropes flying from his wrists, he made grand bows at the entrance to the nave, and again, the entire congregation watching, with a flourish prostrated before virtually every icon in the church. It was such a display that no one listened to the hours.
Then, just before the time the Liturgy should have begun, Bill came up to the door of the altar and announced he must have confession, or he'd be in big trouble with the holy elders. Father, being patient with zealous youths, went to hear the confession.

"I am the worst of all sinners!" Bill began as usual. Then he read his list, only four pages this morning. "And I only could do two hundred prostrations, not my usual three hundred, and only read four akathists, so I am not fully prepared for communion," he said. "Besides, I just had to have a cup of coffee, but since everyone else does anyway, can I still go to communion?"
The priest had heard it all before. What does one say? "You did all those prayers, and still had to have a cup of coffee?"
"Well, the Elder said I had to do the prayers, but I couldn't stay awake to finish them all. So I had some coffee. But doesn't everyone in this jurisdiction even have breakfast before Liturgy? I heard that Bishop So-and-so even had coffee with those godless Catholics right before Liturgy. Besides, it was at three a.m. when I had the coffee, and it's almost ten now."
A little after, thought the priest. "Why didn't you start your rule a little earlier?"
"Well, the book I just read said it must only be done after midnight, as that is the time to battle demons. Besides, Madonna was on 'Saturday Night Live.' Uh . . . the video clips of hers really led me into a big temptation ... so I did all those prostrations."
Father really did not know what to address first. "Father," Bill asked, "don't you think it's time to start being more traditional, to get rid of those paraffin candles and use real beeswax? It is more Orthodox. It really bothers me that the choir reads half the texts of the vigil, instead of singing them, like last night. And on the wrong calendar too. It took me three hours just to repeat the vigil on the right calendar! I'm afraid I am going to have to find another jurisdiction that is more Orthodox. Am I the only one in this parish who knows how to do things right? Besides, I have invited my Elder to meet you, and he'll set you straight on all this stuff. He told me we have to do everything correctly, like they do it, otherwise we'll all burn in hell."

Father was losing patience, looking at his watch, 10:20 and counting. "Okay, Vasili, look, there are a number of issues here, and we need to talk about them, but not while the whole church is waiting for you to finish. When did you go to confession last?"
"Yesterday, at the monastery. I think I have finally found a spiritual father worthy of my obedience."
"And who is he?"
"Fr. So-and-so, from the monastery in the mountains. He is coming to serve with you next Sunday."
"Bill . . ."
"Vasili."
"Okay, Vasili, then. That guy was defrocked years ago. I can't serve with him! Who gave you a blessing to go see him? Much less submit yourself to him? Much less invite him here?"
"Oh, so you too are continuing to persecute that righteous man! I know in my heart he is truly Orthodox! Besides he baptized me yesterday, making up for what you did not do by chrismating me. Actually," getting excited, "why am I here anyway? I should really go be with him as the true criterion of Orthodoxy. . . Not in this modernist, ecumenist jurisdiction. My spiritual father may have been defrocked, but he is obedient to God, not those godless bishops! I know it because I feel it in my heart. .."
"So," said Father, rather irritated, "why do you want to go to communion here anyway?"
"What! You would deny me my right to go to communion!" he whined, as he stormed out.

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 10:34 PM on Tuesday, July 12, 2005 [+] ::

The Best Parish

At Raphael House, I have the opportunity to meet many Orthodox people from all over the United States, and a good number from foreign countries. Recently, a young woman arrived to become a permanent member of our staff, and as we walked to church, she asked me if I had seen the multitude of Orthodox churches in San Francisco and the surrounding areas. When I answered in the affirmative, she asked me what my favorite parish was.

Without even pausing a moment to think, I said, “Mine. St. Seraphim.” She kind of laughed, “No, really, which is your favorite?” Honestly, my own parish is my favorite. It is the best parish in the world. The temple is beautiful, the choir is great, the priest is pious, the people pray fervently. What more could I ask for?

This woman seemed very impressed. With another small laugh, she stated, “I wish everyone thought their own parish was the best.” Well, everyone should. Sure, you can visit and travel and enjoy the beauties of other parishes and other places, but remember that your parish is your home. It is where you pray, and it is the best parish in the world.

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 3:27 PM on Sunday, July 10, 2005 [+] ::

Elder Cleopa

So, I just finished “Shepherd of Souls,” a book about the contemporary Rumanian elder, Elder Cleopa. It makes me wonder how spiritual we over here are today.

The way in which faith is described as interacting with ‘real’ life is incredible. The people seem scared of demons. They seem comfortable with monastics. They seem to expect so much more spiritual awareness than we even dare to ask of people. How many confessors do you know who would assign the prayer rule the Elder assigns to his spiritual children (the lay ones)? If that kind of stuff were expected of us…how far we would fly! The book speaks of the youth of the Elder. It says that his father would encourage his sons not to eat before noon as they were growing up; I believe the exact words were, “You are not pigs to be fed in the mornings!” If we can fast once in a long while until noon today, we are happy. It seems as though we are slipping down the spiritual slope, yet in our pride we think we are getting better and better.

We should expect more of ourselves. It would be good for us.

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 7:25 PM on Wednesday, July 06, 2005 [+] ::

Orthodox and American

I think partially to spite me, and partially for his own reasons, my dad is involved in a ‘missionary’ organization that preaches to the ‘lost souls’ in Kiev, The Ukraine. This group seeks specifically to convert Orthodox Christians to Protestantism. Now, while agree that many Orthodox Christians could use better Bible knowledge in general, I think that in places like Kiev, Orthodoxy is so engrained that it would be difficult to wipe out; if the Communists can’t do it, the Protestants certainly can’t.

There is an ethos of Orthodoxy in some countries. There is a strong historical, and familial tie to Orthodoxy that connects even those who claim atheism as their personal belief. While an individual can believe anything he wants, his country still remains fundamentally Orthodox. In fact, I would argue that even he remains fundamentally Orthodox. The mindset, mode of thinking, and cultural osmosis through which he has picked up even the Orthodoxy he denies is so permeating that he cannot shake it, even if he ‘converts.’

So, I’m American. I do not live in an Orthodox country. And as I think of Ukrainian Protestants, I wonder if they are as Protestant as I am Orthodox. Sure, the head knowledge, the zeal, the ‘convert’s correctness’ may be there, but none of the rest of it is. Protestantism is as much a mindset as Orthodoxy. It is the Protestant “pioneer spirit” that founded this country; it is the Protestant ideals that help to shape its democratic nature with an idea of intense personal freedom. I have this mindset, this mode of thinking, and I have picked up by cultural osmosis the ideas with which I have been surrounded. It is the very air I breathe. To do otherwise is fighting a loosing battle. While I may be a ‘convert:’ correct, zealous, and knowledgeable, I can never really ‘be’ Orthodox. I cannot understand it from the inside. I am American, and therefore whatever Church I attend, whatever my personal beliefs are, I am heir to my fathers’ beliefs: freedom from religion, independence, and Protestantism.

The few converts here and there in this country are this odd mixture of people all trying to ‘remake’ something that never really existed. Our convert perception of the Church will never be true; we are converts! We will always see it from the outside. We either come at is as Protestants (“Orthodoxy is great, but this one little thing needs fixing…”) or we try stumble around in (stereotypical) cradle-parishes wondering why it is so ‘dead.’ How Orthodox can I be as a convert? How Orthodox can I be as an American? Is it worth trying to do so, since I know I cannot fully succeed, whereas I can successfully be Protestant?

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 9:13 PM on Monday, June 27, 2005 [+] ::

Strong Words

From H.G. Bishop BASIL of Witicha

“... [S]end to us your sons to be priests, and your children – sons and daughters both – to be monastics. Raise pious families. Nurture fear and love of God at home, so that we can do what the Church has been called to do. The harvest is white. If today we did get our act together, if today we did put on Christ as our only garment, how many laborers would Holy Orthodoxy need here in America and from where would they come? We need to raise up pious men and women to be servants of the Church, in lay ministry as well as in ordained ministry, in monasticism as well as in marriage. That’s what our people can do. That’s what our people must do so that together we will be co-workers in building up the Body of Christ - Holy Orthodoxy – to the glory of the All-Holy Trinity and the salvation of souls.”

May it be!

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 10:56 PM on Thursday, June 23, 2005 [+] ::

A Failed Catechumen

Today [Pentecost] I watched the reception of a catechumen at St. Seraphim. Listening to the prayers, it occurred to me: I have failed as a catechumen.

The prayers are for the salvation of the catechumen; that he may in due time receive the laver of regeneration. He is preparing for baptism and looking forward to a real date in time in which he will be received as a full member of the Church. On the other hand, I have no firm plans about my own baptism; I do not even know if I can look forward to a certain reception, much less a specific date for it. The catechumenate is a time for one to move forward in his relationship with God and the Church; I have just kind of stood still. I am using it more as a half-way point between being not-Orthodox and being Orthodox. I care far too much about what people think; most people who do not specifically know I am a catechumen think of me as Orthodox, so I do not keep looking toward my baptism.

The momentum is not there. Sure, I love God and the Church and all, but I have zero motivation to be baptized. I really think the Eucharist would kill me; it is a fire that consumeth the unworthy. While the ‘spiritual’ part of me desires it like one starving, the ‘theological’ part of me reminds myself that it is too much for me, and it would be my destruction. Then of course there’s all the stupid ‘political’ factors. Things like not having one church I regularly attend, or even one jurisdiction (don’t get me started!), or having my parents deride my religion at every possible juncture. There are stupid details, like godparents, as well as more serious things, like confession. Or there’s just practical things, like the distance I live from church.

I guess I have not really found a ‘home’ in Orthodoxy yet. I remembered when I was received as a catechumen. At the end of the longest 15 minute service of my life, Father said, “Welcome home.” You will find no argument from me that, yes, the Church is home. But there is no ‘home’ in any parish. I guess I am still working on those words, “Welcome home.” I think when I am home, when I stop falling through the cracks by constantly moving, then I will be baptized and will finally be ‘home.’

While I technically am still a ‘catechumen,’ I am not really one. I know what I believe: in that way, I am already there. So, I should no longer be a catechumen. But on the other end, I am not comfortable in any church yet (excepting when I am the only person there), with any priest, or in any congregation. I have a huge way to go. So, am I damned? If I die, will I go to Hell for my lack of faith? I am not part of the Church, and I know it is true. Does that mean I am living unrepentantly in sin? If I’m this bad at being a catechumen, will I ever make it as a fully baptized Orthodox Christian?

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 9:56 PM on Wednesday, June 22, 2005 [+] ::

That Last Prayer

Each night, I diligently read my prayer rule. First this prayer, then that one, then that one. I am often so tired that I have a hard time focusing, praying, or even staying awake. By the time I get to the end of the rule, and blow out the candles, I am ready for bed. But there’s one more prayer.

No matter how quickly I have read my rule, how lacking my focus has been, or how sleepy I am, I end my rule with a simple, sung “Unto thy merciful care…” It is a simple melody I learned in Oxford. We used to end each Vespers with it. After stumbling over the tones, the texts, the language (!), the number of stichera, and everything else I could possibly mess up at Vespers, this prayer came as a quiet, welcome relief. Next to the complex, memorized, carefully intoned prayers/chants I have done, it is so simple and easy. But, like no other prayer, I pray it.

It is a little bit of a prayer-rule after a prayer-rule. Sometimes I hurry through the other parts so I can get to it at the end. I wait to pray it, for some odd reason. It is a beautiful Rumanian melody with the current British translation; I wish I could give you the melody here, but I will give you the words. If you are unable to pray, try this simple, yet beautiful prayer:

Unto thy merciful care, we hasten in our sorrow. Despise not our prayer, O Virgin, Mother of God; but from misfortune deliver us. O! holy, pure, and blessed one! Most holy Mother of God, save us!

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 7:49 PM on Sunday, June 12, 2005 [+] ::

It’s A Joke, Right?

Someone, please tell me this is a joke…?
Com'on, with a name like Billie Shakespeare, this guy can't be serious...?

The Gospel of Judith Christ

Props to Fr. Joseph at Orthodixie

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 11:10 PM on Tuesday, June 07, 2005 [+] ::

Giving and Taking

Recently, in my casual perusal of the Gospels, I have noticed the theme of giving and taking. It is illustrated four times in the synoptic Gospels (Matt 13:12, Matt 25:29, Mark 4:25, and Luke 19:26); most recently I found it in Mark 4:25, “For he that hath, to him shall be given: and he that hath not, from him shall be taken even that which he hath.” I don’t get it. Wouldn’t you give to him who has not, rather than taking from him what he already has? Even if he has lost it because of his own stupidity (see the parable of the talents, which I do not completely understand), he will only end up with nothing and needing help if we take from him what he has. Here at Raphael House, people come with either very little or nothing; they have ‘lost’ it for multiple complex reasons. We do not take what they have…that is crazy! Rather, we give to them what they need. Why would you take rather than give?

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 6:36 PM on Friday, June 03, 2005 [+] ::

Priests of the People

Last weekend, I went on a day-trip event called Opening the Book of Nature. If nothing else, it provides ample opportunity and an ‘excuse’ to meditate and pray in wonderful solitude and peacefulness.

As I hiked up a mountain and gazed out over the Silicon Valley, I could not help but feel a burden for the souls of those who dwelt therein. So many of them are hurting, so many are sick, and so many await God’s comfort and mercy. I thought of all the people who prayed, but did not receive the consolation they so fervently sought. Would their faith survive their testing? I thought of those who had heard the name of Jesus once or twice, but had rejected it. Would they know to whom to turn when life was difficult? Then there are those who seek to do God’s will with pious hearts, but did not have enough knowledge. What would become of them?

Suddenly, I felt like I should pray for the whole world. I don’t mean ‘me’ in particular, but rather that it is the job of the Christian to pray for the world around him; to intercede to God for the salvation of all. Then I started to wonder why I should intercede at all. In my imperfect and sinful way, my heart goes out to the sick children in the hospital. I don’t understand why they must suffer and die; I pray for the those connected, but suddenly it seems as though I am more sympathetic than God, begging him to have mercy on someone he would otherwise not have mercy on. How can I feel more pain for that child than God? That doesn’t make sense! God is all-merciful, so why should I pray that he have mercy on someone? Worse yet, why should I pray that he would have mercy, and then watch that person die anyway? It seems as if I am more merciful than God…? Clearly I’m wrong, but I don’t understand why.

Of course, none of this negates the fact that we as Christians are a royal priesthood. We represent mankind to God, just as mankind represents creation to God. We possess the rational element in the image of God himself, and therefore are able to offer back to him worship in his own kind. If you are humble, you should have no problem offering this type of intercession to God. If you are proud like me, however, it may help to remember that there are other people more pious, more holy, more deserving of God’s mercy, and who seek it more fervently than you. If nothing else, pray that they might receive it. Then pray for those that serve you personally, for those who serve in your parish all the way up to the hierarchy. Pray for those who await no other help but the mercy of God. Pray for those who are hurting; the sick, orphans, widows, those who are dying, the suffering. Pray for those who are forgotten by society…pray for the world and its pain, and offer up your incense before God on behalf of your fallen race.

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 12:51 PM on Friday, May 27, 2005 [+] ::

God, good and bad?

I have been reading St. Ignatius Brianchaninov’s “The Arena.” It is a good book, if a little heavy and thick for my taste. It is the kind of book one should endeavor to read in a month, rather than a week.

Anyway, one of the things he mentions is that even the demons are in subjection to God’s will. They are constantly asking him to do lots and lots of evil to people, and he only permits them to do specific kinds of evil and at specific times. The example used is that of Job; God permitted Satan to test him.

This all sounds fine and very Orthodox, until you take a step back and keep in mind that we believe God is a good God. What do I mean? Let’s use another example. I have a red bucket of paint. I go about painting things red. You have a blue bucket of paint. You always want to use your blue bucket of paint, but you are under my control, so you can use your blue bucket of paint only when I say you can. You have an infinite urge to use your blue paint (that is to say, I will never want you to use your blue paint more than you yourself want to use it). This means that as soon as I desire blue paint, I will immediately have as much as I want exactly where and how I control it. Functionally, I have two colors of paint to choose from: my own red, and your blue paint.

This is the Gnostic concept of God; he can dispense both good and evil as he sees fit. Sure, he is not in direct possession of the evil he dispenses, but for all intents and purposes he controls it. Therefore, it is not as if there is some power struggle in the universe of good against evil, but only one God who metes out both as he sees fit. There is no struggle between the red and blue paint, but there is only me who is able to decide how much of each to use when. Because of the control God has over Satan (and God does control Satan, right?), it is as if God has the ability to do both good and evil. This is Gnostic. I do not think it is true. So, where is my logic bad?

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 5:42 PM on Sunday, May 22, 2005 [+] ::

Joseph and Nicodemus

[Written on Sunday, May 15th] Due to the whole Bay to Breakers race today, I was unable to get to my original destination of Synaxis of the Archangels for church this morning, and so I went to Holy Trinity on Green and Van Ness. Fr. Victor gave an excellent homily on Joseph and Nicodemus.

The gist was that while Joseph and Nicodemus were secret followers of Jesus who didn’t want to sacrifice their careers to be associated with him, when he was dead, Joseph went to Pilate to request the body. Pilate must have been surprised; here is a leading member of the Sanhedrin requesting the body of a state criminal who the Sanhedrin itself had condemned. Nicodemus also sacrificed, bringing100 pounds worth of burial spices to anoint the body of God. While the apostles hid with the door closed in fear, these two secret disciples of our Lord paid the honor due to God.

Is it then to be Nicodemus and Joseph or to be the Apostles? The former were fearful while Jesus was alive, showing his power; the later fearful when he seemed to have failed them. The scene makes me question Nicodemus’ and Joseph’s knowledge of the role of Jesus. The Apostles were devastated by his death, since they were under the impression that he would bring a kingdom on earth and physical deliverance from the Romans. While Nicodemus would have rightfully been sad at the sight of his master dead, he did not seem to think it was the end; he still cared for what had been left. Because their actions were so markedly different, it seems fair to conclude that Nicodemus had a different concept of who Jesus was; he certainly wasn’t a conquering king who had been defeated. Based also on the conversation in John 3, it seems as though Nicodemus had a better idea of who Christ truly was than did the Apostles. So, why did he hide during Jesus’ lifetime, and only come out of hiding after his death (and even before the resurrection!)?

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 9:18 PM on Tuesday, May 17, 2005 [+] ::

Fear

I have recently noticed that fear is my primary reaction to the whole idea of God (Trinity), Jesus, the Church, and all things connected to religion.

In my experience, most people fear God in the sense that they fear his punishment, specifically spending eternity in Hell. I do not fear Hell or punishment. Perhaps this is wrong, but I am rather resolved to the fact that I love God and that I struggle toward my salvation as best I know how. Therefore, I am not afraid of being damned to Hell; perhaps this idea itself is damning pride, but I do not think so. I do the best I know how, and if it is not enough, then there is nothing better I can do. While I have a healthy knowledge of the torments that await those who will go to Hell, I have really no fear of God in that he will send me there.

My fear comes in that I find myself kneeling in prayer (yes, I was kneeling even though it is Pascha…deal with it!) and having some sort of awkwardness or shyness that God will judge me for what I say or do. The same goes with the saints; while I desire their prayers, I feel as though they are somehow too holy and too good for someone of the likes of me to approach them in prayer. Why would they listen to me? Who am I to stand before the throne of God and pray? Shouldn’t I leave that to the pious people, the good people whom it seems deserve the love of God? Doesn’t it make sense that God would love good people better (since he loves what is good)? I do not want to be presumptuous and assume that my prayers matter. This may sound stupid, but I love God and I know I am inadequate at showing that in my prayer, so rather than poorly show the love I feel, I would rather remain silent and let him think I am impious rather than open my mouth and remove all doubt.

I guess the only one of the lot of the saints I do not fear too much is the Theotokos. For some reason, when I got into Orthodoxy, I kind of fell in love with her. I’m still trying to explain it to myself, but it is enough to say that I spend time simply praying in silence before her ikon. Ikons of her are my favorites, whether in church or in my own ikon corner. I still am nervous about approaching her, but at least I do not fear that I am being a pest of some sort; after all, she is a Mother.

If perfect love casts out all fear, how to we acquire this perfect love to rid us of the burden of fear?

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 11:35 AM on Thursday, May 12, 2005 [+] ::

What’s My Line?

Since my internet access is spotty (to say the least!), I figured I’d entertain us all with a little game. How does the following prayer end?

Our Father, who arte in the heavens, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one...

If you are a layman:
a) Nothing. That’s it.
b) Amen.
c) Through the prayers of our holy fathers, Lord Jesus Christ our God, have mercy on us. Amen.
d) One of the following ‘clercical’ exclamations listed below.
e) Other

If there is a cleric around:
1) For Thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto the ages of ages. Amen
2) For Thine are the kingdom, the power, and the glory...(same as above)
3) For Yours is the kingdom, the power, and the glory...(same as above)
4) For Yours are the kingdom, the power, and the glory...(same as above)
5) For Yours/Thine is/are the kingdom, the power, and the glory forever. Amen.
6) Other

I think I’ve heard all of these before, even the ones where the grammar is…questionable. In my experience, different people/jurisdictions have different preferences. Anyway, which one(s) do you use/hear?

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 9:39 AM on Friday, May 06, 2005 [+] ::

The Question of the Cross: Atonement

This week, on Holy Friday (which starts on Thursday…go figure!), we will ‘celebrate’ the crucifixion of God on a cross. So, why did Jesus have to die (on a cross)? Theories of the atonement are as prevalent as theologies today, but I have yet to find an Orthodox commentator who speaks explicitly to the Western versions of atonement (of course, this probably only shows my poor reading in this area). How does the East respond to “Why did Jesus die on the cross?”

I have heard roughly six views of the atonement. In chronological order…‘Christus Victor’ was popularized by Irenaeus, and pitted the cross against the secular powers of the day (most of which were trying to kill Christians). Later, Origen and his disciple Gregory of Nyssa held to a ‘Ransom Model’ in which Christ’s death paid a ransom for man from the devil. Here I must admit my Eastern theology is lacking; I only know the Western models from here on. In the 11th-13th centuries, Anselm of Canterbury’s ‘Satisfaction Model’ as shown in Cur Deus Homo played into the feudal system of his day by focusing on Christ’s death as a repayment of the honor man stole from God. Anselm’s disciple Peter Abelard held the historically minority position of ‘Moral Influence’ in “Exposition of the Epistle to the Romans;” by his death Jesus ‘enkindled’ in man such a love for God that man would strive to obey God. The fifth position is that of Calvin, the ‘Penal Substitution Model’ that still prevalent today, in which a holy God cannot associate with sinners because he should punish them; Jesus takes the punishment of God on the cross.

The sixth view, and perhaps the most interesting because it acts as a cultural mirror, is a modern interpretation of the book of Hebrews combined with pop-psychology. Some call it the “Sacrifice Model,” the “Hebrews Model,” or the “Relational Model,” but the idea is as follows. The relationship between God and man has been broken by the fault of man. The offending party (man) must apologize and make reparations so the relationship is restored. Man cannot make reparations, but by dying on the cross, Jesus is able to make reparations for all of mankind. By pleading Christ’s atonement (reparation), man is able to repair his relationship with God. It’s all about relationships!

So, each of these models has at least one major flaw. In Christus Victor, Jesus is fighting against a powerful devil; where did Satan get that much power over God? In the Ransom Model, the devil is paid; how did the Devil get to owning man in the first place? Satisfaction is based on a cultural honor system no longer relevant in our time. Abelard’s Moral Influence has never been popular; it is impossible for all men to be as affected by one incident as Abelard supposes. Penal Substitution divides the Trinity; how can the Son pay the Father? The modern Sacrifice Model runs into the same wall; by trying to combine Anselm and Calvin with modern psycho-babble, it ends up feeding our cultural obsession with ‘relationships’ (making it irrelevant for other times/cultures), dividing the Trinity (God is paying himself), and worse of all, it makes man more loving than God. After all, how is sinful man expected to forgive his enemy without an apology or reparations, and yet man must give these to God before God will forgive him! So…once again: why did Jesus have to die?

On a side note: this is my last post until Pascha. At least for a week, I will stop fighting my theology and start praying it. So, I will spend Holy Week trying to be holy; a good start should be turning off my computer. May you have a blessed Holy Week, and may you see the joyful light of the Resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ! Pray for me, a sinner.

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 6:46 PM on Sunday, April 24, 2005 [+] ::

Traveling

I’m finally back in a country where they speak my language: American. Unfortunately, I have 8 hours of jet lag, and will probably leave on a plane/bus tomorrow for Los Angeles to visit my friends. Then it’s Holy Week, and that means not much time for being on-line and posting. In a nutshell, I am making excuses for the relatively short and sparse posts that will appear in the next few weeks until…Pascha!

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 10:57 AM on Wednesday, April 20, 2005 [+] ::

Social Question

This is not so much a post as an extended question to all of you who are much more familiar with parish life than myself. Here’s the situation: after the Liturgy at Church, there is almost always a moleben or memorial service for someone who has departed. At least in Oxford, the service rarely uses any English. I rarely know the person whom we are commemorating, and my question is: should I join in?

I am very inclined to do so. Firstly and practically, I know that if I stand around after Liturgy long enough, even if I stand all the way on the other side of the church, someone will inevitably hand me a candle. The service is, after all, held in the rather public place of the middle of the church. Secondly, while I may not personally know the people for whom I pray, I really do want to pray for them. I regularly pray for those whom I may not personally know, even if it is only presenting their names before God. If I find out about something at home by email, I will pray for that person even if I barely know them. It seems as though by doing this, I am entering into a world that transcends time, location, and even language and culture. The Church transcends all of these barriers and more, so I feel as though I have the privilege of adding my small prayer to those of the prayers of the pious people around me and joining in the heavenly music.

Then again, I can understand why someone would not want me there. After all, I really do not know the person for whom I am praying. I feel as though I may be invading a private service, or that I might offend someone by being there and joining in as if I knew the person. I mean, I always know most of the people who are there (they are usually the ‘regulars’ of the parish), but I never want to seem like I am imposing or anything by standing and joining the prayers.

So, what is the consensus? I really do want to pray, but I certainly don’t want to offend anyone or be rude. What do you all do (I am sure you have been in the same place)? What would you want me to do if it were your loved one being commemorated? Thanks in advance for the advice!

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 2:15 PM on Sunday, April 10, 2005 [+] ::

Internship

Guess what? I just found out I got the internship for this summer that I had wanted! I had applied to three other places, and did not get into any of them. But, I will now be working as a live-in intern at Raphael House in the beautiful San Francisco California. It has all the perks I could want: I am helping people, I am working hard, I am close to home but not living there, and I get to go to church. They have a chapel there, but I will probably end up going with the rest of the community to Huw’s old haunt of Holy Trinity on Sundays. It’s going to be great. Really, what more could I ask for? I start Bright Week (less than two weeks after I fly back to the States!) and work until I go back to school. If you can’t tell from the fact that every other sentence in this post ends with an exclamation mark, I am really excited!

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 2:08 PM on Saturday, April 09, 2005 [+] ::

Happy Feast!

Today is our parish feast day! Or more accurately…

Today is the beginning of our salvation

The mystery which was from all ages has been revealed

The Son of God becomes the Virgin’s Son

And Gabriel announces the glad tidings of grace

Let us cry also with him to the Mother of God

Hail! Thou who are full of grace, the Lord is with thee!

Bp. Basil celebrated with most of the episcopal flare (which, having two bishops in one parish, we usually skip). There was a whole flock of priests at the altar; 4 or 5 of them, as well as two in the congregation. Of course, there was fish afterward, which was exciting, and lots of fun and fellowship.

The homily was on the three ‘fiats’ in Scripture. One of them is the Virgin, when she tells Gabriel to let it be according to God’s will. The second one is by Christ in the Garden, when he prays that since the cup will not pass from him, that his suffering be done according to God’s will. The third is the Our Father, in which we pray “Thy will be done.” When the Virgin prayed this, she ended up with a sword piercing her own heart. When Christ prayed this, he ended up dying on a cross. So why do I want to pray it? Because the Virgin is now the Queen of Heaven, and Christ rose from the dead. So, “Lord, let it be unto me according to Thy will.”

Forgive me,

Seraphima

Glory to God!

:: 11:45 AM on Thursday, April 07, 2005 [+] ::